by Ligia Houben | Mar 20, 2021 | Blog US
To possess self-confidence is to believe in ourselves and in what we can do. It is to have assurance in our abilities. We can experiment with self-confidence in different areas of our lives, whether personally or professionally. It is to feel that despite any obstacle, we can achieve what we want to accomplish.
When due to some experience of the past or some obstacle you face now, you begin to doubt yourself, that self-confidence begins to shake, and you may find yourself filled with doubts. Lack of self-confidence can prevent you from being the person you want to be. You may want to succeed as a great speaker, and a lack of self-confidence doesn’t allow you to speak in public. You may want to have a beautiful relationship with your partner, but your lack of self-confidence can make you feel insecure; you may face a great loss in your life, and your lack of self-confidence and the ability to bounce back makes you doubt whether you can recover and embrace life again.
Our mind begins to entertain thoughts full of doubt and anxiety. The messages we give ourselves are focused on what we lack, and this brings more anxiety. Losing self-confidence affects our self-esteem and self-worth.
On the other hand, believing in oneself makes us feel safe, which makes us act with greater capacity.
Meditation and self-confidence
Meditation is a practice that can help you increase your self-confidence because focusing on your breathing helps you lower any anxiety you may be experiencing.
Also, it makes you aware of thoughts that may contribute to your lack of self-confidence, allowing you to change them towards empowering messages.
One thing that helps a lot is finding a mantra such as “I’m able to achieve what I want,” as it helps you focus on what you want and are capable of.
As you embrace the practice of meditation, you’ll notice how every time you meditate, it’s easier for you to let go of mental noise or what’s called a “monkey mind.” We focus on something instead of your mind dispersing into all the things you can’t do.
Many studies have shown that meditation helps us calm the anxiety and frustration that lack of confidence can provide.
Practicing meditation
Take a comfortable position, and focus on your breathing, gently inhale through your nose, exhaling through your mouth, concentrating on your breathing. Repeat it three times, saying in your mind, “I am relaxed”; then repeat in your mind the mantra you have chosen.
If thoughts start to distract you, gently focus on your breathing and mantra.
Do this exercise for 5-10 minutes 3 times a day for 3 weeks.
Write in your journal any changes you notice in how you feel.
You may be surprised to see how your life starts to change.
Remember, your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
P.D. If you want to start (or continue) your meditation practice, I offer private classes at my center in Miami, Fl and also via Zoom. If you are interested, send me an email at info@ligiahouben.com
by Ligia Houben | Mar 14, 2021 | Blog US
Winston Churchill said: If you are going through hell, keep walking.
As we read this sentence, it may hit us or make us reject it. However, if we put our hearts and reflect on what he is saying, we may identify ourselves with what Churchill meant with this message.
If you are suffering or going through hell at this moment, my heart is with you. I don’t know what type of hell you are going through; however, if you feel your heart broken, it may feel this way.
Sometimes we face life situations that seem unbearable, and we wonder how we will withstand them. We may even think it is going to be eternal, and it consumes us.
Let’s start defining what is hell to you.
Hell is something that brings to us suffering; that is unbearable, inexplicable; and at times, we can’t even describe how it feels. As human beings, we encounter those moments because they are part of our human experience. We go through beautiful times, accomplishments, joyful experiences; however, we may be going through hell. You may have lost a loved one, going through a divorce, lost your job, or having health challenges.
What are you going to do? What are the options? Churchill says, “just keep walking.”
We cannot go back because it is our reality; it’s there. Even if we want to rewind the situation, we cannot; it happened. What is the other option that we have if we are not going to continue walking? Are you going to stay still or stuck? Are you going to sit down and complain, “I am going through hell, I am going through hell?”
What can you do? After taking a pause, keep walking because maybe at that moment that is the only thing you have under your control, because the more you walk, at least you feel you are taking action. Moreover, you are also gaining strength when you are taking action; you are also building resilience, going through those painful times and suffering.
Decide to continue walking because it’s up to you the choice you make. You may not have chosen to be in hell; however, you can still choose if you stay still, or as Churchill said, continue walking.
Remember, as you transform your loss, you transform your life.
Ligia M. Houben
https://www.ligiahoubentraining.com/
by Ligia Houben | Mar 1, 2021 | Blog US
As I was doing my walk this morning, I was pondering what life is all about and thought about the famous words of Socrates: “An unexamined life is not worth living.”
Are we taking the time to examine our life at a deep level?
It dawned on me that many of us live on auto-pilot. We wake up each morning after the alarm goes off, we prepare our coffee, get dressed, and head to work. Many of us just go through the motions.
Once we get to work, we take care of our tasks throughout the day in an automatic fashion instead of thinking, planning, instead of having a goal with meaning, instead of doing things with a purpose. Making a phone call with a purpose. Writing a report with a purpose. Talking to our loved ones with a purpose.
Moreover, we may even want to start being more mindful when we are having lunch or dinner. Because… sometimes we just eat and before we realize it, the food is gone, and we wonder: Where did it go?
The same thing happens with life. We may realize one day we just ate all the food off our plate and… we may ask ourselves:
- Where did it all go?
- What did I do with it?
- How did I spend my time?
- Did I spend it complaining or enjoying it?
- Did I spend my time loving or fighting?
- Did I spend my time helping or hurting others?
- Did I spend my time getting to know myself or ignoring my needs?
- Did I spend my time being grateful or regretting it?
- What have I done with my time?
It is when we come to such realizations that we gain more awareness of what life is all about. This realization may happen during a pivotal moment in our lives, or when confronting a huge loss. It is at that moment that we make choices. We can either dwell on the pain or transform it into an opportunity to grow, to find more meaning, to become a better version of ourselves.
People have asked me, when they know the title of my book “Transform Your Loss”, Ligia, how can we transform a loss? I respond that it all starts with our response to the loss. We cannot avoid experiencing grief, it is the natural response to loss. Still, many times it is that pain, that loss, that will help us to open our eyes to other possibilities, to open our eyes to what is important, to open our eyes to ask ourselves “What am I doing? Where am I now and where do I want to go?” Because tomorrow will be the result of the choices we make today.
It is not possible to live wandering around expecting tomorrow to be bright. It is not possible just to allow things to come into our lives – we need to make them happen. This reminds me of the words of my father, Julio C. Martínez: Success is hard work disguised as good luck.
Sometimes things happen out of luck, but most of the things we get in life at all levels – physical, social, emotional, financial, or spiritual – depend on the actions we take.
They depend on our choices.
Remember…your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Feb 25, 2021 | Blog US
I feel your essence all around.
Your clothes are impregnated with your smell.
Your smile is the constant in your photos.
Your faith lives in me and it is my rock.
Your joy is the inspiration to welcome every day.
Your perseverance is my engine for dealing with obstacles.
Your love for life is the source of my smile.
Your resilience is the motivation to overcome challenges.
Your love for God and the Virgin lives in me.
It is because of this feeling that I honor your memory and I can confirm,
that you are still alive in my heart and soul.
Your love will always live within me.
Your daughter,
Ligia del Carmen
by Ligia Houben | Feb 17, 2021 | Blog US
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is Optional.
Haruki Murakami
Often in our lives, we go through situations that may cause us pain, and instead of letting go of this pain, we keep it in our hearts and ask ourselves, Why me? It is natural and human to resist pain; however, if you continue asking ourselves that question, we may stay stuck in the suffering.
If we keep it in our hearts, we continue feeding the pain instead of lessening it, and it becomes more significant, stronger, and more powerful. It may even control our moods, our interpersonal relationships, and the quality of our lives.
Do you want this to happen? Do you want to perpetuate this feeling in your heart? Or are you ready to let go of past losses or regrets? It depends on what you want. It will depend if you open your heart and welcome the possibility of being happier or if you remain to be stuck, bitter, and upset.
The first thing you can do to let go of any suffering is deciding to let it go. Keep in mind that we do not have control over many events in our lives. However, we always have control over our thoughts. After validating and processing your pain (writing, talking to someone, doing some rituals), choose an emotion you want to feel instead. At this moment, I am grieving the loss of my beloved mother. I know facing a significant loss is painful, still, because I want to continue honoring her, I choose to have peace in my heart.
How can you transform your suffering?
What emotion do you want to experience instead?
As you transform your loss, you transform your life.
Ligia M. Houben
www.the11principlesoftransformation.com
by Ligia Houben | Jan 22, 2021 | Blog US
Don’t Tell me
It’s about time you didn’t feel that way;
You’ve been mourning for too long;
Don’t keep going to the cemetery;
It’s not good for you to talk so much about her;
She wouldn’t like to see you cry;
She’s now resting/
Tell me better
I accompany you in your pain;
I’m here in case you need to talk;
I understand it’s painful to lose such a close loved one;
I don’t know what to tell you, I’m just listening;
I support you in whatever you need me.
What I need is your understanding, not your judgment…
Your affection, not your imposition…
Your support, not your criticism…
What I need are your friendly hand and your big heart.
Ligia M. Houben
A bereaved daughter
