by Ligia Houben | Oct 30, 2023 | Blog US
Understanding that a divorce is a unique journey, here are some suggestions that can help you move forward in this life transition:
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Instead of suppressing your emotions, acknowledge that divorce is a loss and it’s natural to experience grief. Find healthy ways, such as journaling, talking to a close friend, joining a support group, or seeking professional help, to express your feelings and be present with your emotions without judgment.
2. Establish Boundaries and Practice Self-Care
Paying attention to your needs includes setting boundaries if this causes you stress. Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. This includes eating healthy food, exercising, and practicing relaxation techniques such as conscious breathing, mindfulness, or meditation.
3. Rebuild Your Identity
Because a divorce brings changes, you want to open your heart and mind to take it as an opportunity to discover who you are now. Explore the roles you are letting go of and embrace new ones that promote self-growth and empowerment. This includes setting personal and professional goals, taking care of your finances, and paying attention to the messages you give to yourself.
4. Create a Strong Support System
This can consist of family and friends who are there to support you without judging. The idea is that they can actively listen when you need to share how you feel and encourage you when you think you need to lean on them. Belonging to a divorce support group can also help you navigate this transition.
5. Believe in Yourself and Embrace Change
This is very close to feeling empowered is believing in your capacity to embrace change and become a better version of yourself. Remember, you can do this!
Remember, your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Jun 7, 2022 | Blog US
The Art of Accompanying in Grief
This writing is an excerpt from a Facebook Live I did in Spanish, on June 21, 2020.
Good afternoon, everyone, we are continuing with our Sunday talks at 6pmET, 4 pm Nicaragua time. I always mention Nicaragua in a special way because being Nicaraguan gives me a lot of emotion to connect with the people of my homeland. I welcome you all to this Facebook Live. I had certain weeks of not doing them since I was going through a personal situation, a unique situation. Many of you know that my beloved mother, as I called her, and I will always call her, passed away two weeks ago. It has been something very strong, very hard, very painful. And as I say, grief is moment by moment. That is why I wanted to bring this message today.
Because this message is dedicated to all those people who are grievers, to those people going through the death of a loved one, and it is also addressed to those people who wish to accompany the griever. And I wanted to call this talk “the art of accompanying in grief.” What makes me call it an “art”? Because it’s an art! And as I’ve always told my clients when they’ve faced the loss of a loved one, people maybe tell you things with the best of intentions and you may feel in your heart that they didn’t help you. Why does this happen so often?
As we have said on other occasions, in our Western society we do not like to talk about death or talk about grief. Who likes it? But we all go through it… [that’s why] I wanted to talk about this.
What makes it an art, accompanying others in grief? Always knowing that it is about the other person. It is to accompany. It’s being there. How many times do friends and family members call me and say: “Ligia I’m going to go to a wake, I’m going to go to a funeral, I’m going to go visit someone who lost a loved one, what do I say? I don’t know what to tell them.”
The biggest thing we can do is to be there. Offer our love; to offer our understanding, to give them love, that’s what we need. Sometimes there are words that are said again as I said before, with the best of intentions. Sometimes what we need most is to be allowed to talk, that someone “holds the space” for us.
What the griever needs are to be listened to and understood. That if one wants to scream, let us scream; not to tell us, don’t feel like this, don’t tell us she wouldn’t want to see you like this, or he wouldn’t want to see you like this, don’t tell us you have to be strong… I’ve always said it in seminars, or to my clients: What does it mean to be strong? Does it mean to put on a mask as if we are not feeling anything? Or to be strong is to have the ability to connect with your real feelings and have that spiritual capacity to be able to express them? What does it mean to be strong to you?
I have shared this writing in its entirety in my new book Déjame vivir mi duelo…and heal from the inside out, (Allow Me to Grieve…and Heal from the Inside Out), which will be published in June, just for the second anniversary of my beloved little mother. This fills my heart with joy. At the end of the year, it will be available in English.
by Ligia Houben | Aug 8, 2021 | Blog US
Find Grief Support Groups Near You Today: Your Guide to Local and Online Help
Grief is one of the most difficult journeys we will ever face. After the loss of a loved one, many people tell me they feel alone, misunderstood, or unsure of how to navigate the emotions that accompany loss.
As a grief specialist, author, and facilitator of grief support groups for more than two decades, I have witnessed firsthand the power of connection in the healing process. While every grief journey is unique, one thing remains true: healing becomes easier when we do not walk the path alone.
Whether you are looking for a local grief support group, grief coaching, an online grief program, or educational resources, there are many ways to find guidance and compassionate support during this challenging time.
This guide will help you understand the different types of grief support available and how to find the option that best fits your needs.
Why Grief Support Groups Can Help You Heal
One of the most common experiences after losing someone you love is feeling isolated.
Friends and family may care deeply about us, yet still struggle to understand what we are experiencing. Some people avoid talking about grief because they feel uncomfortable, while others expect us to be “doing better” long before we are ready.
A grief support group offers a safe and welcoming environment where individuals can share their experiences, express their emotions, and connect with others who truly understand the pain of loss.
Through the grief support groups I facilitate at The Center for Transforming Lives, online, and in partnership with funeral homes and community organizations, I have witnessed how transformative it can be when someone realizes they are not alone.
One of the principles I teach through the The 11 Principles of Transformation® is that healing begins with validation. When people feel heard, understood, and supported, meaningful transformation becomes possible.
Benefits of Joining a Grief Support Group
Participating in a grief support group can help you:
- Feel less isolated and alone
- Connect with others who understand grief firsthand
- Share your experiences in a safe and supportive environment
- Learn healthy coping strategies
- Gain perspective, hope, and encouragement
- Build meaningful relationships with others
- Better understand the grieving process
While a support group cannot remove the pain of loss, it can provide comfort, understanding, and practical tools for navigating your healing journey.
What Types of Grief Support Groups Are Available?
Not every grief support group is the same. Finding the right fit can make a significant difference in your experience.
Local In-Person Grief Support Groups
Many people find comfort in meeting face-to-face with others who are grieving.
These groups provide opportunities for meaningful conversations, personal connection, and a strong sense of community.
You can often find local grief support groups through:
- Funeral homes
- Hospices
- Hospitals
- Community centers
- Faith communities
- Counseling centers
Online Grief Support Groups
Online grief support groups continue to grow in popularity because they offer flexibility and accessibility.
Whether you live in another city, have transportation challenges, or simply prefer the privacy of your own home, virtual groups allow you to receive support wherever you are.
Many participants are surprised by how connected they feel in an online setting.
Specialized Bereavement Support Groups
Some support groups focus on specific types of loss, including:
- Loss of a spouse or partner
- Loss of a parent
- Loss of a child
- Loss of a sibling
- Caregiver grief
- Anticipatory grief
These specialized groups often create opportunities for deeper conversations with people who share similar experiences.
Grief Coaching vs. Grief Support Groups: What’s the Difference?
Many people wonder whether they need grief coaching, a grief support group, or both.
The answer depends on your individual needs.
Grief coaching provides personalized support that helps you process your emotions, navigate life after loss, and discover healthy ways to move forward.
Grief support groups focus on shared experiences, emotional connection, education, and peer support.
For many individuals, these two approaches complement one another beautifully, offering both personalized guidance and the reassurance of community.
How to Find the Right Grief Support Group Near You
Finding the right support group is much like finding the right therapist or coach. It is important to choose a space where you feel comfortable, respected, and understood.
- Do I prefer in-person or online support?
- Am I looking for grief coaching, a support group, or both?
- Would I benefit from a specialized bereavement group?
- Do I prefer a structured program or an open discussion format?
Research Available Resources
- Grief support groups near me
- Bereavement support groups near me
- Grief counseling near me
- Online grief support groups
You can also ask local funeral homes, hospitals, hospices, or community organizations for recommendations.
Give Yourself Permission to Explore
Not every support group will feel like the right fit, and that’s okay.
I encourage individuals to attend more than one meeting before making a decision. The most important thing is finding a place where you feel genuinely supported and understood.
Structured Grief Programs for Lasting Healing
Some individuals benefit from a more structured approach to navigating grief.
In addition to facilitating grief support groups, I developed The 11 Principles of Transformation®, a transformational framework designed to help individuals move through grief while rebuilding their lives with greater meaning, purpose, and hope.
If you’re looking for a step-by-step approach that combines education, guided reflection, and practical tools, I invite you to explore The 11 Principles of Transformation®.
Structured grief programs often combine:
- Educational guidance
- Guided reflection
- Practical coping tools
- Group discussion
- Personal growth exercises
These programs can complement both grief coaching and support groups by providing additional direction throughout the healing process.
Additional Grief Resources That Can Support Your Healing
Support comes in many forms.
In addition to grief support groups and coaching, many people find encouragement through:
- Books & Resources
- Podcast Episodes
- Educational videos
- Webinars
- Support Groups & Workshops
- Community events
Sometimes a single story, conversation, or new perspective can provide the encouragement needed to take the next step toward healing.
Take the Next Step Toward Healing
You don’t have to navigate grief alone.
Whether you’re looking for one-on-one Grief Coaching, a supportive community, or a structured online program like The 11 Principles of Transformation®, compassionate support is available.
I invite you to explore my resources, visit my Book Store, listen to my podcast, or schedule a private session to find the support that best fits your healing journey.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I find grief support groups near me?
You can start by contacting local funeral homes, hospitals, hospices, counseling centers, or community organizations. Many also offer virtual grief support groups if an in-person option is unavailable.
Are online grief support groups effective?
Yes. Many people find online grief support groups just as meaningful as in-person meetings. They provide flexibility, accessibility, and genuine connection from the comfort of home.
What’s the difference between grief coaching and a grief support group?
Grief coaching offers personalized guidance, while grief support groups provide a community where participants share experiences, encouragement, and practical insights. Many individuals benefit from participating in both.
How do I know if a grief support group is right for me?
If you’re feeling isolated, overwhelmed, or simply looking for people who understand your experience, a grief support group may be an excellent place to begin. It’s often helpful to attend more than one session before deciding whether it’s the right fit.
Can I join a grief support group even if my loss happened years ago?
Absolutely. Grief has no timeline. Whether your loss happened recently or many years ago, it’s never too late to seek support and begin a new chapter of healing.
What if I’m not comfortable sharing my story?
That’s perfectly okay. Many people attend their first meetings simply to listen. There is never any pressure to speak before you feel ready.
Do grief support groups replace therapy?
No. Grief support groups and therapy serve different purposes. Support groups provide peer connection and shared experiences, while therapy offers individualized care. Many people find that combining both creates a well-rounded support system.
Finding the right grief support can be one of the most meaningful steps you take after experiencing a loss.
Although grief changes us, it does not define the rest of our lives. Healing is possible when we allow ourselves to receive support, process our emotions, and discover new ways to move forward with hope and purpose.
Whether you choose Grief Coaching, a local support group, an online community, or The 11 Principles of Transformation®, remember that you do not have to walk this journey alone.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I invite you to schedule a session or contact me. I would be honored to accompany you on your journey toward healing, hope, and transformation.
by Ligia Houben | Aug 8, 2021 | Blog US
I wish it existed a mailbox to heaven.
And what would I have put in that mailbox?
Mom, today that you would have turned 102 years old, I would have sent you a card, congratulating you on your birthday.
I would have sent you a card expressing the sweetness of mother you were and the great love you gave us.
It would have probably been a religious card that had the image of The Virgin because they were your favorites.,
Possibly, I would also have sent you a package wrapped in gift paper full of hearts or pink roses. In that package, I would have covered in pink tissue paper a blouse like those you loved to wear. I would have also looked for a pink blouse because you looked beautiful in that color.
I would have also sent you a copy of your book. I imagine you would have loved to see it and realize how you have impacted others with your story, with your photos, with your joy of living. Because that is what people have told me. You keep touching hearts through your book.
Mom, I wish I could send you all those things to heaven.
Since this mailbox does not exist, what I can do is, send you a prayer full of love and tell you a Happy Birthday that reaches you in heaven.
Love,
Your cumiche, Ligia del Carmen
by Ligia Houben | May 24, 2021 | Blog US
I want to be alone!
You have probably said these words when you want to have time for yourself and no one to bother you. It is a decision, and you enjoy “your loneliness.”
What happens when the feeling of loneliness takes over you because you have no one by your side?
Is it the same kind of loneliness?
Being alone is the fact that no one is by your side, while loneliness is an emotional state because we express it: I feel alone. Sometimes we think we feel lonely only when we don’t have anyone by our side, but it is not. There are times when we have people around us, and we still feel alone. We can be in a room full of people and feel alone, or sitting on the same sofa with our partner and having that feeling of loneliness. What produces this feeling? It is often born from feeling misunderstood, feeling nobody listens to us, or feeling that we are not important to others. If we feel alone at a party, we may think that we do not fit into the environment and feel different.
When experiencing emotional loneliness, it is crucial to recognize what is happening and analyze how you’re approaching it. Do you contribute in any way to feel that way? What thoughts do you entertain in your mind? Do you allow yourself to engage in a conversation with someone, or do you say to yourself:
“I do not belong here; people don’t like me; I feel out of place.”
If it’s with your partner that you sit down, you can only start conversing with them and exploring different ways to share and communicate with the soul.
If you’re alone because you don’t have anyone by your side, ask yourself what it means. Remember that it all depends on our perception and what we do with our time. If you occupy it in something that can entertain and help you as a person, or you immerse yourself in thoughts such as: “I am so alone”, and do nothing under your control to change this situation.
Here are several activities you can do when you feel lonely that can help you feel better:
Read a book
Writing in a journal
Exercise
Meditation
Talking on the phone
Have a Zoom meeting
Go for a walk
Take a class
See a Netflix series
Paint, color, sculpt
Take a bath
Clean your closet
Write a letter
Cook a new recipe
Sit in your backyard with a cup of coffee or tea
Pray
Reflect
In the present time, due to the pandemic, we have had to modify our activities, which has led to social estrangement. However, we have different ways to maintain this social connection at our disposal so as not to feel so alone. Plan with your friends and family zoom meetings or phone calls, including video calls; you can turn it into a daily or weekly ritual.
It is preferable to do one of these activities that may benefit you, rather than using methods of escapism such as eating or drinking too much; you can choose.
Please take note of all that you can do and at the same time reflect that it is what represents for you to be alone, for what influences how we feel is our perception.
Loneliness is an opportunity to connect with ourselves. As Paolo Coelho says:
Loneliness is not the absence of companionship but the moment when our soul
has the freedom to talk to us and help us decide about our lives.
When you realize that you are your own person and that your value comes from within, you can connect with yourself and be at peace.
Loneliness can be welcomed or represent intense pain in our souls, usually if prolonged. We are social beings, and therefore being alone, especially for a long time, can significantly influence our mental and physical health. According to Donovan et al. (2017), loneliness may impair cognitive function in their study among older adults.
If you feel that loneliness is affecting you negatively, seek professional help because if you leave this feeling unattended, it can become depression and greater isolation.
On the other hand, if you know someone is alone, give them your company. Call them on the phone or visit them if you can. Make them feel like they are important to you. You can also do a type of volunteering by calling people. This type of help exists; you cannot only use it yourself, but you can be a part of it. By providing company to others, we accompany ourselves.
Remember, your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | May 9, 2021 | Blog US
Today is the first Mother’s Day without you by my side and I have a strange feeling. I feel empty, I feel like if I am missing something. I am missing your presence.
All this week I have lived it with this restless feeling in my heart.
What has made me feel this way if every day I miss having you in my life?
The difference is that the environment has been dedicated to your day.
How can this special day so celebrated and announced be unnoticed?
Flowers, cards, balloons, ornaments… they are all triggers that have reminded me that you’re not by my side and the void feels even deeper.
The difference is that there was no celebration planning, there was no illusion of going to the store to buy you a blouse like the ones you loved; the difference was not to expect this day to arrive with the usual anticipation; The difference was that I was not going to be able to tell you while I was hugging you, “Happy Mother’s Day.”
However, in the midst of all this feeling of sorrow, I remember with great love our last Mother’s Day and my heart rejoices because we were able to enjoy our usual ritual and you enjoyed your red flowers so much; this stayed forever in my heart. I have confirmed that our lives are made of moments, and the life I had by your side, was filled with many moments full of love and joy.
Many of those moments are Mother’s Day memories. This time I give you again this diploma that you kept in your cards’ box, in which I recognize you as the best mother in the world.
Happy Mother’s Day to heaven.
Ligia del Carmen
Tu cumiche.
