by Ligia Houben | Nov 26, 2023 | blog, Blog US
Introduction
Grief is a journey with unique paths, and it was uniquely challenging for Leonidas Reimer, a young adolescent. Losing Kennedy, his girlfriend, to suicide, Leonidas found himself engulfed in a sea of emotions. However, in the depths of his sorrow, he discovered solace and expression through music. His story is one of healing and transformation, a narrative that resonates with the power of purpose and passion. Although Leonidas’ world turned upside down when he lost Kennedy, he was determined to channel his pain into something meaningful.
The Healing Power of Music
Music became Leonidas’ refuge, and he started working on his album, “Songs for a Long Train Ride Home.” He poured his heart into melodies and lyrics, each note a step towards healing. His songs, raw and honest, are a tribute to Kennedy; they are a way to keep her memory alive.
Because music is his passion, I wanted him to meet Marlow Rosado, an amazing human being and accomplished musician. He is the winner of two Grammys and producer of my upcoming audiobook in Spanish, “Déjame vivir mi duelo…y sanar de adentro hacia afuera” (Allow Me to Grieve…and Heal From the Inside Out). Leonidas visited Marlow’s studio when we were recording, and he had the opportunity to learn from Marlow’s experience and share his story.
In the sanctuary of Marlow’s studio, surrounded by instruments and echoes of creativity, Leonidas shared his album “Songs for a Long Train Ride Home.” Marlow listened to Leonidas’ journey, and with an open heart, he offered more than just musical advice; he provided sensitive insights on healing through purpose. Leonidas’ encounter with Marlow was profound as it confirmed his mission: to use his music as a beacon for others traversing the dark waters of grief. It touches my heart to see how Leonidas has embraced the transformative power of music, demonstrating how it can be a vessel for grief, carrying it from the shadows into the light.
Leonidas’ story is a poignant reminder that a melody of hope can emerge in the depths of despair. Through his music, he honors Kennedy’s memory and offers a guiding light to those who have experienced similar loss. Furthermore, his journey continues after his music. He is also working on a film, “The Kennedy Project,” to introduce a proactive stance to suicide prevention.
Reflection
Grief is a profound and complex emotional response to loss, particularly when we lose someone significant in our lives. Although the process varies significantly from person to person, being witnessed in grief is crucial. What helps the most is to express our emotions in a safe and understanding environment, validating our feelings and experiences. Healing from grief is a gradual process of re-engaging with life, finding new meanings, and living life with a renewed sense of purpose.
As I reflect on Leonidas’ journey, I am confident he will continue showing the resilience and compassion of his human spirit, and his ability to find solace and meaning in creativity.
by Ligia Houben | Oct 30, 2023 | Blog US
Understanding that a divorce is a unique journey, here are some suggestions that can help you move forward in this life transition:
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Instead of suppressing your emotions, acknowledge that divorce is a loss and it’s natural to experience grief. Find healthy ways, such as journaling, talking to a close friend, joining a support group, or seeking professional help, to express your feelings and be present with your emotions without judgment.
2. Establish Boundaries and Practice Self-Care
Paying attention to your needs includes setting boundaries if this causes you stress. Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. This includes eating healthy food, exercising, and practicing relaxation techniques such as conscious breathing, mindfulness, or meditation.
3. Rebuild Your Identity
Because a divorce brings changes, you want to open your heart and mind to take it as an opportunity to discover who you are now. Explore the roles you are letting go of and embrace new ones that promote self-growth and empowerment. This includes setting personal and professional goals, taking care of your finances, and paying attention to the messages you give to yourself.
4. Create a Strong Support System
This can consist of family and friends who are there to support you without judging. The idea is that they can actively listen when you need to share how you feel and encourage you when you think you need to lean on them. Belonging to a divorce support group can also help you navigate this transition.
5. Believe in Yourself and Embrace Change
This is very close to feeling empowered is believing in your capacity to embrace change and become a better version of yourself. Remember, you can do this!
Remember, your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Jun 7, 2022 | Blog US
The Art of Accompanying in Grief
This writing is an excerpt from a Facebook Live I did in Spanish, on June 21, 2020.
Good afternoon, everyone, we are continuing with our Sunday talks at 6pmET, 4 pm Nicaragua time. I always mention Nicaragua in a special way because being Nicaraguan gives me a lot of emotion to connect with the people of my homeland. I welcome you all to this Facebook Live. I had certain weeks of not doing them since I was going through a personal situation, a unique situation. Many of you know that my beloved mother, as I called her, and I will always call her, passed away two weeks ago. It has been something very strong, very hard, very painful. And as I say, grief is moment by moment. That is why I wanted to bring this message today.
Because this message is dedicated to all those people who are grievers, to those people going through the death of a loved one, and it is also addressed to those people who wish to accompany the griever. And I wanted to call this talk “the art of accompanying in grief.” What makes me call it an “art”? Because it’s an art! And as I’ve always told my clients when they’ve faced the loss of a loved one, people maybe tell you things with the best of intentions and you may feel in your heart that they didn’t help you. Why does this happen so often?
As we have said on other occasions, in our Western society we do not like to talk about death or talk about grief. Who likes it? But we all go through it… [that’s why] I wanted to talk about this.
What makes it an art, accompanying others in grief? Always knowing that it is about the other person. It is to accompany. It’s being there. How many times do friends and family members call me and say: “Ligia I’m going to go to a wake, I’m going to go to a funeral, I’m going to go visit someone who lost a loved one, what do I say? I don’t know what to tell them.”
The biggest thing we can do is to be there. Offer our love; to offer our understanding, to give them love, that’s what we need. Sometimes there are words that are said again as I said before, with the best of intentions. Sometimes what we need most is to be allowed to talk, that someone “holds the space” for us.
What the griever needs are to be listened to and understood. That if one wants to scream, let us scream; not to tell us, don’t feel like this, don’t tell us she wouldn’t want to see you like this, or he wouldn’t want to see you like this, don’t tell us you have to be strong… I’ve always said it in seminars, or to my clients: What does it mean to be strong? Does it mean to put on a mask as if we are not feeling anything? Or to be strong is to have the ability to connect with your real feelings and have that spiritual capacity to be able to express them? What does it mean to be strong to you?
I have shared this writing in its entirety in my new book Déjame vivir mi duelo…and heal from the inside out, (Allow Me to Grieve…and Heal from the Inside Out), which will be published in June, just for the second anniversary of my beloved little mother. This fills my heart with joy. At the end of the year, it will be available in English.
by Ligia Houben | Apr 29, 2021 | Blog US
Facing situations when we feel insecure or restless can give us a sense of uncertainty. As human beings, one thing we need to feel is security; it’s having a sense of control and knowledge about what’s happening to us, and the future we have in front of us.
What happens when we are lacking this security and feel lost, without a direction?
This situation can give us a sense of anxiety, restlessness, frustration, fear, and helplessness. Instead of helping us, these emotions make us feel worse in the face of uncertainty, as we doubt can set in and we can make the wrong decisions.
There are different situations in which we may experience uncertainty. Among them we find the reality of Covid-19, and how this has touched our lives, personally and collectively.
We have experienced great uncertainty related to our health, work, financial situation, lifestyle, vaccine use, and a promising future. All these elements have caused that many of us live in a constant sense of unease and fear. Besides the reality that has touched us living with the pandemic, we face a number of situations on a personal level that may feel that we do not have the answer on how to proceed. I want to remind you that there is a difference between caution and fear.
If we allow fear to overtake us, we can become paralyzed, unable to make decisions and take action.
In times of uncertainty, the best we can do is to have an action plan and strategies to implement.
I share these strategies that can help you deal with uncertain times:
First of all, recognize that it is impossible to have complete control over everything that happens to us and this requires adaptation on our part. Write down some situations in the past where you had no control. Notice which of your strengths helped you adapt and cope. It is extremely important to revalue our internal resources for use in times of doubt and uncertainty.
Situations that we have no control over can usually make us feel unable to face life and we let ourselves be handled by external factors. Because of the pace of life so hastily that we carry, sometimes we stay as automatons simply reacting without realizing that we give control of our emotions to external factors and others. At the moment is when we want to reassess how we act and see if our own handling of the situation contributes to that sense of uncertainty.
Focus on today and integrate methods such as meditation and deep breathing to handle any concerns about uncertainty. Keep in mind that exercise also helps us greatly to release those emotions that make us feel more restless and insecure.
Finally, it helps us greatly to be aware of the things on which if we have certainty and control. Focus on them and make decisions concerning them with safety and inner strength.
Remember, your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Apr 8, 2021 | Blog US
Does this question touch you? If you are, there is something in your heart that needs to be released.
Before answering this question, take a pause and reflect. I intend to bring to your awareness any baggage you may be carrying in your heart that makes you feel unease and uncomfortable. Once you identify the baggage, you can start embracing forgiveness in your heart. Still, is it easy?
Forgiveness is the act of releasing any hurt feeling, any resentment, any grudge you may be harboring toward anyone and deciding to let go because it is a decision you make. It is a choice that has the potential of liberating your spirit and giving you peace and joy.
Some people, when facing a loss, may have encountered situations where forgiveness can be a challenge. Still, to heal, we must open our hearts to forgiveness. In the system, The 11 Principles of Transformation® I included forgiveness in Principle III, “Develop your spiritual dimension.” I believe, to transform our loss from the inside out, we need to forgive.
To fully forgive others, we must embrace compassion, which is a powerful emotion that goes beyond understanding or empathy. If we welcome compassionate understanding, our lives move to a more spiritual and fulfilling place. When we have been hurt, our resentment will not change the experience, but it can make it even more present throughout our lives. The more we think about the issue which hurts us, the bigger it becomes and the more hurt we feel. Does it benefit us?
There is a saying that goes, “forgive and forget.” In that case, I know it is a little more complicated. Unless someone erases it from our memory (which cannot be done!), we cannot forget issues that happened to us unless we repress them.
However, if we learn to remember without pain in our hearts, I would say we had forgiven.
Now, I have been referring to forgiving others. What about ourselves? As human beings, we make mistakes, and some of these mistakes may hurt other people (many times the people we love the most). What to do in this case?
I would suggest you do two things:
First, ask for forgiveness. It is a wonderful feeling to make amends with others….and the other action I suggest you to take is to forgive yourself.
Be compassionate and loving with yourself, and you will feel lighter.
Keep in mind that the person who benefits the most is…You!
Remember, your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Mar 20, 2021 | Blog US
To possess self-confidence is to believe in ourselves and in what we can do. It is to have assurance in our abilities. We can experiment with self-confidence in different areas of our lives, whether personally or professionally. It is to feel that despite any obstacle, we can achieve what we want to accomplish.
When due to some experience of the past or some obstacle you face now, you begin to doubt yourself, that self-confidence begins to shake, and you may find yourself filled with doubts. Lack of self-confidence can prevent you from being the person you want to be. You may want to succeed as a great speaker, and a lack of self-confidence doesn’t allow you to speak in public. You may want to have a beautiful relationship with your partner, but your lack of self-confidence can make you feel insecure; you may face a great loss in your life, and your lack of self-confidence and the ability to bounce back makes you doubt whether you can recover and embrace life again.
Our mind begins to entertain thoughts full of doubt and anxiety. The messages we give ourselves are focused on what we lack, and this brings more anxiety. Losing self-confidence affects our self-esteem and self-worth.
On the other hand, believing in oneself makes us feel safe, which makes us act with greater capacity.
Meditation and self-confidence
Meditation is a practice that can help you increase your self-confidence because focusing on your breathing helps you lower any anxiety you may be experiencing.
Also, it makes you aware of thoughts that may contribute to your lack of self-confidence, allowing you to change them towards empowering messages.
One thing that helps a lot is finding a mantra such as “I’m able to achieve what I want,” as it helps you focus on what you want and are capable of.
As you embrace the practice of meditation, you’ll notice how every time you meditate, it’s easier for you to let go of mental noise or what’s called a “monkey mind.” We focus on something instead of your mind dispersing into all the things you can’t do.
Many studies have shown that meditation helps us calm the anxiety and frustration that lack of confidence can provide.
Practicing meditation
Take a comfortable position, and focus on your breathing, gently inhale through your nose, exhaling through your mouth, concentrating on your breathing. Repeat it three times, saying in your mind, “I am relaxed”; then repeat in your mind the mantra you have chosen.
If thoughts start to distract you, gently focus on your breathing and mantra.
Do this exercise for 5-10 minutes 3 times a day for 3 weeks.
Write in your journal any changes you notice in how you feel.
You may be surprised to see how your life starts to change.
Remember, your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
P.D. If you want to start (or continue) your meditation practice, I offer private classes at my center in Miami, Fl and also via Zoom. If you are interested, send me an email at info@ligiahouben.com
