by Ligia Houben | Mar 3, 2019 | Blog US
Are you in touch with your inner self? Do you know what your values, needs, and fears are?
Do you live according to the things that are meaningful to you?
We live in a constantly changing world. We are exposed to new ideas and concepts on a regular basis. We are actually information overloaded! How do you process all this? How do you know you are making the right choices? How do you know you are living a life that resonates with whom you really are?
This message is an exploration of the different messages we receive and how we deal with them. As many of you know, I like to see the human being in a holistic manner. Therefore, we will take a look at our different dimensions. We will start with the physical.
What is healthier? What kind of exercise should we do? How often? Should we eat red meat or become vegetarians? Do we take time to rest? Do we take time for leisure? Are we satisfied with our lifestyle?
What about the social dimension? What is most important? Our work? Our friends? What about social media? Do we need to have a Facebook page? A twitter account? What if you are a professional? Should you have your profile on LinkedIn? How do we communicate better? Is it through texting or making a phone call? Are you communicating at a deep level or you have lost that connection?
Now, let’s explore our emotional dimension. Is it possible to be happy? Does the same concept of happiness apply to everybody? What about grief? Do we all grieve the same? What helps? Does grief counseling help? What about self-help books? What about support groups? Do they work?
Are you carrying pain in your heart that prevents you from becoming the person you want to be?
What about the spiritual dimension? How does praying help? What about meditation? Does it give us personal fulfillment? Is there a difference between spirituality and religion? Can we be spiritual without being religious? Are we nourishing our spirits on a daily basis? Are we exercising our souls, as much as our bodies?
We may have all these messages and different perspectives on how to live our lives…and we may be confused. Still, something we need to be clear about is, knowing who we are, and how to live a life with meaning.
So, I ask you….who are you? What are your values? What is important to you? What inspires you? What motivates you? What displeases you? Do you live according to your values?
Our fulfillment and joy resides in knowing who we are, and living according to our purpose and values. Still, if you are slightly confused in this area, I suggest you take a piece of paper and, on the top of the page write Who am I? Open your heart and open your mind, and write. Do not be afraid. Connect with your real essence and you will discover that, the answers to live a life with purpose, have always resided within you.
Remember…your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Feb 22, 2019 | Blog US
When we face the death of a loved one, we are expected to grieve.
It is natural. Now, what about when we face a challenging and
devastating life transition, such as a divorce? Going through a
divorce can turn our lives upside down, leaving us baffled, and
without strength and hope. How can we continue? Do we need
a plan of action? Do we need help to pick up the pieces?
When the relationship dies, we often feel lost or without direction.
We face the death of our marriage. And for many it is very
difficult to face or accept. Even if it lasted only a few years, for
many people, a broken marriage is a source of disappointment,
pain, and, fear for the future . Furthermore, because when people
get married they are not planning to get a divorce, when this
happens, it can represent a loss. And, when we experience a loss,
the natural response is to grieve. So, if you are confronting a
divorce, how can grief coaching help you? Is it the same as
counseling?
By definition, counseling pays a lot of attention to the past and the
causes of the emotional rollercoaster. Coaching, on the other
hand, is a development process that can help you move from where
you are now, to where you want to go. Although, it takes into
consideration what has happened in the past, coaching uses it, as a
springboard, to move forward into your new life path. So, instead
of dwelling in the past and staying in a dark place, you can use this
experience as a feedback of what worked and did not, as you find
strategies to plan your life with joy and empowerment. I suggest
you do not ignore your feelings when confronted with a divorce. In
my book Transform Your Loss. Your Guide to Strength and Hope,
I talk about the importance of acknowledging and….expressing our
feelings…as what we ignore doesn’t cease to exist. It is only
repressed.
Remember, what you ignore does not cease to exist, it is only
repressed. You do not have to pretend nothing has happened.
Validate your feelings, process them, and release them. It is a
process and it is different for each person. Still, what matters most
is to know you have choices.
The most challenging step may be to accept your new transition,
your divorce. Still, unless you accept your new reality, you may
find yourself stuck in the past. It may not be easy, but it is
possible. Yes, you can be empowered after a divorce. You may
find resources inside of you that were not in your awareness and
become in a stronger, wiser, and more loving person. It has to do
with focusing on what you still have instead of focusing on what
you have lost. It is up to you.
When you face a divorce you close a chapter in your life, but your
life doesn’t end! In front of you is a path that you can walk down
with strength and hope. This is one of the reasons I like to call this
type of coaching, Grief and Growth, because you can transform
your divorce into personal growth. The choice is yours.
Remember, as you transform your loss or transition….you
transform your life!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Feb 19, 2019 | Blog US
If you are facing a difficult life transition now, people may tell you:
- It’s about time you feel better. You cannot be sad (or angry, or anxious) all the time.
- You should distract yourself and stop thinking about what has happened to you (even if you lost your loved one and you DO NOT KNOW how to continue).
- You should be positive-like if you can just erase what has happened to you.
- You have to be strong (generally, people define strength with no crying).
In almost no time, you become the result of the expectation of others-your family, your friends, society-and you stuff your grief deep in your heart. But there is a challenge with that…
What you ignore doesn’t cease to exist…it is only repressed.
Before you know it, you may be expressing your grief physically (headaches, insomnia, excess eating) or socially (isolating yourself).
As a bereaved person, you have the right to process your grief and embrace life again.
In this video, Ligia M. Houben has a message for you and invites you to reflect on which areas of your life your grief may be manifesting.
http://<iframe src=”https://player.vimeo.com/video/134670801″ width=”640″ height=”360″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen></iframe>
After watching the video, reflect on these three questions:
How am I expressing my grief physically?
How is my grief influencing my personal relationships?
How am I dealing with my grief on a daily basis?
You can post your comments here.
If there is an issue with your grief you are having a special challenge with, I would like to know about it. Share it here: info@ligiahouben.com
From my heart to yours,
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Feb 12, 2019 | Blog US
The Silent Struggle of Grieving Employees
Many times, when someone experiences a loss and returns to the workplace, colleagues avoid the topic entirely. The atmosphere turns silent—as if nothing has happened. What does this silence communicate to the grieving person?
They often feel invisible. Unseen. Invalidated.
In my work with clients, I’ve seen this pattern far too often. The griever retreats into their office, overwhelmed by sorrow or frustration, crying in silence or struggling to focus. Unable to share their pain in a space that feels emotionally unsafe, their grief becomes an internal burden—unspoken, yet ever-present.
A Society That Denies Grief
We live in a society that avoids grief. In the workplace, this avoidance is magnified. There’s an unspoken expectation to “bounce back” quickly and perform at the same level as before, as if the loss never happened. When grief is ignored, absenteeism rises, not because people don’t care about their jobs, but because being in that environment is emotionally unbearable.
And so, the grieving employee puts on a mask. Pretends to be “fine.” But inside, they are broken. Their pain is hidden beneath the surface, unnoticed and unsupported.
Grief Is More Than Death
When we talk about loss, we must expand our definition. Grief is not limited to the death of a loved one. It also stems from:
Divorce
Loss of health
A significant change in identity
The loss of a dream or career path
Grief is a natural and unique response to loss. Each person grieves differently, expressing it across emotional, physical, social, and spiritual dimensions.
A grieving employee might cry (emotional), experience insomnia (physical), isolate themselves (social), or question their purpose (spiritual). What if that insomnia leaves them exhausted at work the next day? Or if irritability from grief spills over into interactions with colleagues?
Unprocessed Grief Affects Productivity
Grief that is unacknowledged or unprocessed doesn’t go away—it shows up in different forms. Emotional sensitivity, difficulty concentrating, fatigue, withdrawal, or even outbursts of anger are all potential expressions of internal pain.
Does this foster a friendly and productive workplace? Of course not.
This is why supporting grieving employees isn’t just an act of compassion—it’s a matter of organizational well-being.
Grief in the Office: A Shared Responsibility
Creating a compassionate workplace is not just the job of the manager or the owner. It involves every single person—from the front desk to the executive suite.
Everyone should have basic grief awareness to recognize when a colleague may be struggling, and to know how to respond with kindness and humanity. A grieving person doesn’t leave their sorrow at the door when they enter the building. Grief walks in with them, and it influences their energy, focus, and relationships.
Helping Employees Process (Not Suppress) Grief
The goal is not to “fix” the grieving employee or rush them back to normal. The goal is to help them feel supported and capable of navigating their loss. This requires a shift in mindset:
From performance pressure to emotional presence
From denial to validation
From isolation to inclusion
Grieving employees need tools and spaces to process their pain—not suppress it.
How to Be a Leader with Humanity
You don’t need a title to lead with compassion. From the person sweeping the floors to the CEO, we can all be leaders with humanity.
Here are simple ways to start:
Pay attention. Notice changes in someone’s behavior or performance.
Practice mindfulness. Be present in your interactions—listen with your heart.
Check in. Ask, “How are you really doing?” Let them know you care.
Provide resources. Offer tools, support, and flexibility to help your team cope with loss and grow through it.
A Message from My Heart
As a grief expert, this message is personal. I’ve seen the pain that silence causes in the workplace—and I’ve also seen the transformation that happens when empathy enters the room.
We have the power to change the culture of our workplaces—one conversation, one act of kindness, one compassionate leader at a time.
This is a message of hope, of leadership with humanity, and of productivity rooted in compassion.
If you’d like to bring this approach to your organization, I’d be honored to share with you the methodology I created:
The 11 Principles of Transformation®—a framework to support your employees through grief, loss, and life transitions.
Let’s start a conversation.
From my heart to yours,
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Jan 31, 2019 | Blog US
You may not choose to suffer,
but you can choose to transform
your suffering into a meaningful life.
Samet M. Kumar
In life we may experience many losses and sometimes it is not easy to confront
what we must live, but we must realize
that our life and the lives of others have significance, and that the meaning of life is the one we give to it.
Therefore, if you are experiencing a loss, being this the death of a loved one, loss of health, loss of a job, divorce – give yourself the value that you deserve and seize the opportunity to grow, in the midst
of this pain, and heal your wounds.
When you do that, you will feel satisfied and you will see life from another
point of view. Do not forget that within
us lies the strength to be able to grow in any transition and find meaning
in how we transform it. This reminds me a story of love and faith, very close to my heart. I want to share it with you.
I met Orali and Moises Flores at the end of 2007. They came to a seminar
I facilitated on grief and loss in Nicaragua, my country
of origin. They had recently
lost their beloved daughter, Albalicia, and were looking for some guidance on how to handle their
grief. That was the beginning of a meaningful relationship. Orali, after learning about the values
of belonging to a support
group as one faces a loss, felt in her heart the desire to organize a self-help
group for grieving
persons and asked me for assistance in how to develop
it. What began as a dream became a reality.
Other bereaved people joined forces and PUDE (Personas Unidas en el Dolor y la Esperanza, people united in grief and hope) was born! This is the ultimate example of the power of transformation. As I stated
before PUDE is very close to my heart because I was there at its origins
and have witnessed the love, purpose and meaning each member hosts
in their heart.
So, each time you may feel without hope as you face an unbearable loss, keep in mind:
- After the darkness comes light
- After the storm, calm
- After the night, the day
- Do not forget that at the end of the tunnel is light. That is the value of hope.
As you transform your loss, you transform your life!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Jan 16, 2019 | Blog US
Be the change you want to see in the world.
– Mahatma
Gandhi
As we start a new year, many people take the opportunity of planning
the year ahead. They set goals with great expectation and anticipation. Some of them focus
on the physical dimension, starting
a new diet or engaging
in a new plan of exercise. Some want to become better in their jobs or profession, including starting a new career.
Others may want to develop
their spiritual dimension. Setting goals is easy – what about
realizing these goals?
What is your goal for 2019? Are you sure you want to achieve it? Then, the first step is to work in and on yourself. Without changing ourselves, we cannot change our external world. In the seminar I conduct, Live your Life with Meaning and Purpose and Realize your Goals, I ask the participants to do an exercise on discovering what their values are and how to live accordingly.
The following are some of the values
I find essential to live the life you really want to live. These are:
Self-discipline-Perseverance-Faith-Purpose-Passion
Now, let me just briefly
explore each of these
values:
Self-discipline:
if we
want to better ourselves we need to focus on small actions performed every single day that will help us to create a habit.
It has been said it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Do it. Make the commitment with yourself and for 21 develop a habit that will take you closer
to your goal.
Perseverance: Everything takes effort and
planning, especially at times of setbacks, which is when we can learn the best lessons.
In coaching, we never use the word “failure” but feedback,
because one can learn from these experiences. Don’t dismay if you find obstacles, they can only help you grow and become
stronger. Keep focused
on your goal and if you need to change the course of action,
do so, but don’t quit.
Faith: I believe that having faith in you and in a Higher Power,
which for me is God, everything is possible.
Faith is the engine
that keeps us moving
to higher levels of conscience and existence. Sometime ago someone
gave me a card with the phrase
“Let go and let God” and I need to say to you – I cherish those words in my heart anytime
I may feel any doubt or fear.
Purpose: As
we set goals we
need to know the reason behind
that goal. What motivates you? What will this goal bring to your life? As you think in your purpose, use your imagination and visualize what you want to achieve and how do you feel achieving
it.
Passion: The last value you need to have is passion. You must absolutely need to feel in your heart
great excitement as you think
about your goal and have the certainty that you will do it.
If
you follow these values and are willing to work in and on yourself,
you will find yourself engaging in a process
of self-development and growth and with effort and time, you will become the ultimate you!
Remember, your Life has Meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
