by Ligia Houben | Mar 21, 2025 | Blog US
Retirement is one of life’s most significant transitions and, for many people, it can represent a profound sense of loss. Although I often focus on the loss of a loved one, it’s important to address other types of losses we might experience, as broadening our conversations provides even greater support.
Identity and Emotions During Retirement
Retirement often signals the end of a significant chapter deeply tied to our identity and daily routines. After years or even decades in our professions, retirement can leave us feeling empty, uncertain, or struggling with our sense of self. Many clients have shared with me feelings of confusion, asking, “Ligia, who am I now?” This question emphasizes why addressing retirement grief is so important.
It’s essential to acknowledge and process your emotions fully. If you feel sadness, anxiety, or fear it’s understandable. These are natural feelings during this transition. Honoring these emotions is crucial for healing and personal growth.
Beyond Work: Navigating Social and Emotional Changes
Leaving a career means more than stepping away from a job; it often means losing daily interactions, friendships, and familiar routines. You may feel uncertain about your life’s purpose. Recognize and discuss these feelings openly—not as complaints, but as genuine aspects of your reality.
From Initial Euphoria to Disorientation
Initially, retirement can feel euphoric, similar to an extended vacation, filled with freedom, rest, and leisure. However, over time, many people feel disoriented without familiar routines and structure. This loss of structure may also trigger a loss of identity.
Acceptance is essential, aligning with the first of my 11 Principles of Transformation®. By accepting this new stage, you empower yourself to actively decide your path forward. We can always make choices. What are you choosing?
Retirement as a Path to Self-Discovery
Retirement can become a profound journey of growth and self-discovery if you embrace this change with gratitude and openness. Reconnect with passions you may have set aside: music, painting, reading, or volunteering. Retirement offers the perfect opportunity to reignite these interests and discover new purposes. Remember, your life’s purpose doesn’t disappear—it evolves. For example, mentoring younger generations can bring immense satisfaction and meaning. Do you remember a passion you had put aside?
Building Structure and Maintaining Connections
Creating a routine and maintaining social connections help provide emotional stability. Consider activities such as daily walks, book clubs, or regular gatherings with friends. Additionally, retirement is ideal for lifelong learning and personal growth. Programs such as those at the University of Miami or FIU’s Lifelong Learning Centers offer opportunities to pursue new interests, languages, and subjects you’ve always wished to explore. Year ago I used to teach at these centers and was impressed by the engagement of my students, who were retired professionals. It was really inspiring!
My beloved mother, at age 96, embraced technology to study English on Duolingo, inspired by her caregiver. 
Her experience illustrates it’s never too late for intellectual and personal growth, whether you’re 70, 75, or even older.
Embracing New Opportunities
Retirement isn’t the end but the beginning of a vibrant chapter full of possibilities. Reflect today on dreams you’ve postponed. How can you turn retirement into a transformative period of growth and discovery?
If this message resonated with you, please share it with someone navigating retirement. Opening these conversations can greatly help others on their journey.
Remember…your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Feb 26, 2025 | Blog US
Grief is not just about losing a loved one—it’s about losing the version of yourself that existed before that loss. The way you saw the world, the way you felt safe, the way you envisioned your future—all of that changes when grief enters your life. But here’s what most people don’t realize: you can reprogram how you experience grief, so it becomes a pathway for transformation rather than endless suffering.
In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), we know that the brain operates like a computer. It runs on programs, many of which are unconscious. When we experience deep grief, our mind often installs programs of pain, regret, guilt, or helplessness. These programs repeat, just like an old software system that keeps crashing.
Step 1: Identify the Grief Program You’re Running
Ask yourself:
What story am I telling myself about this loss?
Am I stuck in a pattern of “I will never be happy again” or “I should have done more”?
Do I believe I can heal, or does part of me resist that idea?
These thoughts create your emotional reality. The more you run them, the more they become automatic. But just like outdated software, they can be updated.
Step 2: Let Go of the Old Identity
When you lose someone, you don’t just grieve them—you grieve who you were when they were alive. This is where many people get stuck. They hold onto their past identity, not realizing that grief is also an initiation into a new version of themselves.
To let go of the old self, try this exercise:
Visualize your old self—the version of you before this loss. Acknowledge what you loved about that version, but also recognize what is no longer serving you.
Thank that version of yourself for getting you this far.
Imagine stepping into a new version of yourself—one who carries the love and memories of your loss but also has the capacity for joy, purpose, and healing.
Step 3: Install a New Program of Meaning and Transformation
Now, let’s rewrite the narrative. Instead of focusing only on what you lost, ask:
How can I honor my loved one through the way I live?
What strengths has this experience awakened in me?
How can I shift my focus from suffering to growth?
Your mind follows where you direct it. The more you focus on meaning, honoring, and transformation, the more your brain will rewire itself to experience grief differently.
Step 4: Embody the New You
Transformation isn’t just about changing thoughts—it’s about changing your emotional state and actions.
Change your posture—grief often makes us physically collapse inward. Open your chest, stand tall, breathe deeply.
Change your language—instead of saying I will never get over this, say I am learning to live with this in a way that honors my love.
Take new actions—introduce rituals, create a way to celebrate their memory, or engage in something meaningful that connects you to life.
Grief as a Gateway to Your Highest Self
You are not meant to be the same person after loss. You are meant to evolve. The pain is real, but so is the potential for growth, healing, and meaning.
If you’ve been running a program of suffering, know that you can rewrite it. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting—it means allowing yourself to transform while carrying love forward.
Who do you choose to become after this loss? That choice is yours.
From my heart to yours,
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Feb 18, 2025 | Blog US
Have you ever felt like your mind is playing the same thoughts over and over again? Like you wake up each day, and the same worries, regrets, or doubts are still there, circling around like they never left? You’re not alone. Research shows that we have between 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day, and what’s amazing according to Sandy Loder, is that 95% of them are the same as the day before. Even more striking, nearly 75% of those thoughts tend to be negative.
It’s like living inside Groundhog Day, the classic film where Bill Murray’s character, Phil Connors, wakes up to the same day over and over again. No matter what he does, the same events, the same frustrations, and the same struggles repeat themselves. And isn’t that exactly what happens in our minds when we’re stuck in grief, stress, or fear? We relive the same thoughts, the same pain, the same “what ifs”—trapped in a loop we don’t know how to escape. Has this happened to you?
But here’s the good news: Just like Phil eventually found a way out, so can we.
Recognizing Your Mental Groundhog Day
Our minds are wired for repetition. Thoughts create neural pathways, and the more we think the same thing, the deeper those pathways become. That’s why when we experience loss, heartbreak, or anxiety, we keep replaying the same painful memories, the same self-doubts, and the same fears. We may repeat questions like these ones:
Why did this happen?
What could I have done differently?
I’ll never feel happy again.
Just like Phil kept waking up to the same alarm and the same small-town routine, our minds keep presenting us with the same mental script. And unless we consciously change something, we’ll stay in that loop. The first step to change the loop is to be aware that we have it.
Breaking the Pattern: How to Wake Up to a New Mental Reality
In Groundhog Day, Phil finally escapes when he stops resisting and starts changing—his actions, his mindset, his response to the same circumstances. Here’s how we can do the same:
1. Become Aware of the Loop
The first step is noticing the pattern. Are you ruminating on the same thoughts every day? Are they helping you, or are they keeping you stuck? Writing them down or practicing mindfulness can make these loops more visible.
2. Shift from Judgment to Awareness
Instead of fighting your thoughts, observe them. Imagine them like clouds passing by—you don’t have to chase them or hold onto them. You can let them drift away.
3. Introduce a New Script
If 95% of our thoughts are the same every day, we need to consciously introduce new ones to break the cycle. Start by asking:
What thought would I rather have today?
What’s one small thing I can do differently?
Affirmations, gratitude practices, or simply redirecting your attention can start shifting those neural pathways.
4. Take Small, Intentional Actions
Phil didn’t escape by doing the same things—he changed his behavior. He learned new skills, connected with people differently, and chose to see his circumstances from a new perspective. We can do the same. If grief or stress has kept you in a cycle of isolation or rumination, take one small action today:
Write a letter to someone you love.
Start a new ritual to honor a loss.
Take five minutes to breathe and reset.
5. Rewire Your Mind Through Transformation
Breaking free from mental repetition isn’t about pretending pain doesn’t exist—it’s about transforming it.
My book, Allow Me to Live My Grief… and Heal from the Inside Out, is for those who feel trapped in their own emotional Groundhog Day. It’s a guide to breaking free from repetitive pain, embracing healing, and stepping into a new way of living.
Your Fresh Start Begins Now
Phil Connors eventually woke up to a brand-new day—not because the world around him changed, but because he did. The same is possible for you. It all starts with us.
If you’re tired of waking up to the same thoughts, the same struggles, the same pain, it’s time to shift. Your mind is powerful, and you have the ability to break the cycle. The question is: What new thought, new action, or new perspective will you choose today?
Because the moment you change, so does your world.
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Feb 7, 2025 | Blog US
Sometimes, life changes us in an instant. We feel that everything is in order, but suddenly, something unexpected shakes us and confronts us with a loss: the death of a loved one, an illness, the loss of a job, a separation. It’s as if someone turned off the light switch and left us in the dark. We find ourselves in an unknown, dark space, not knowing how to move.
Even though we can’t control change, we can decide how to deal with it despite the great pain. We can stay in the dark, or we can look within ourselves for a way to light a new light.
The Impact of Unexpected Change
When we face a loss, our life becomes a blink of an eye. We are no longer the same, even if we would like to remain the same. Fear, sadness, and uncertainty are natural responses. Suddenly, what we know disappears and we are forced to adapt to a different reality.
However, the key is to be aware that change does not have to define us, but that we can define what kind of change it will be, and how we are going to experience it.
Three Steps to Managing Change After a Loss
1. Accepting the New Reality
Acceptance does not mean resignation but rather acknowledging what has happened and allowing ourselves to feel. Only when we accept the present, rather than resist it, can we begin to build the future.
2. Choosing our attitude
Although we can’t control what happens to us, we can always control our response.
We can live with suffering or with an open heart to know what we can learn from ourselves. It all depends on the attitude which we face each day.
3. In the dark, the hardest thing is to take the first step.
Remember that even a small movement brings us closer to the light.
Ask yourself: What action can I take today to start moving forward in my journey?
Lighting our way
It is natural to feel lost after a loss, however little by little, our mind and heart adjust to the new reality. And when we decide to turn on our own light, we discover that within us there has always been the ability to transform pain into growth.
Today, I invite you to reflect:
If your life were a dark room right now, where do you think you can find a switch?
From my heart to yours,
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Jan 22, 2025 | Blog US
The night of January 14th, 2025 was truly something special. Surrounded by the warmth of familiar faces and the interest of new ones, I had the honor of presenting my new book, *Allow Me to Live My Grief… and Heal from the Inside Out*. The room was filled with compassion, love, and a shared desire to understand and transform grief. As I stood before the audience, I couldn’t help but feel a profound sense of gratitude for the opportunity to share my journey and, through it, offer hope to others.
This book is not just a collection of words—it’s a piece of my heart. Inspired by the loss of my beloved mother, “Allow Me to Live My Grief…and Heal from the Inside Out” is a guide for those navigating the complex emotions of loss. It is a call to honor our grief, to feel it fully, and to heal from within.
A Personal Journey That Resonates with Many
One story that deeply touched everyone in the room was shared by Chip Corlett. Chip spoke with such raw honesty about losing his beloved Katie. His words reminded us that even in the darkest moments, there is an opportunity to reconnect with love and purpose. It was a powerful moment of connection that left no one unmoved.
Why This Book Matters
“Allow Me to Live My Grief…and Heal from the inside Out” is more than a book; it’s an invitation. It invites you to embrace your pain, to validate your emotions, and to find your own path to healing. It’s not about forgetting those we’ve lost; it’s about discovering how to carry their love with us in a way that empowers us.
If you couldn’t attend the presentation, I want you to know that this book was written for you, too. Whether you are in the depths of grief or seeking to support someone who is, the words within these pages offer a compassionate guide. They remind us all that healing begins when we allow ourselves to feel.
You can watch here Book presentation video
A Moment of Gratitude
As the evening came to a close, I felt overwhelmed by the kindness and support of everyone who attended. The heartfelt conversations, the hugs, and the genuine connection were a beautiful reminder of why I do what I do. Your stories, your courage, and your willingness to embrace the journey of healing inspire me every day.
I’m also deeply grateful to those who have already purchased “Allow Me to Live My Grief…and Heal from the Inside Out.” Hearing how it has touched your lives affirms that this work is making a difference. If you haven’t had the chance to get your copy yet, I encourage you to take this step toward healing and transformation.
Join Me on This Journey
Grief is a deeply personal journey, but it’s not one we have to face alone. Through “Allow Me to Live My Grief…and Heal from the Inside Out,” I hope to walk alongside you, offering tools and insights to help you navigate your path. Together, we can honor our pain, celebrate our memories, and move toward a life filled with hope and purpose. Let this book be your companion as you move from suffering to honoring with love.
To everyone who joined me and to those who will pick up this book in the future, thank you for trusting me to be a part of your journey. May we continue to validate our grief, honor our loved ones, and heal… from the inside out.
From my heart to yours,
Ligia M. Houben
