by Ligia Houben | Apr 28, 2025 | Blog US
We often associate grief with death—but grief also shows up in boardrooms, inboxes, and performance reviews.
It appears when the promotion doesn’t come.
When the project you poured your soul into gets shelved.
When a business you built begins to collapse.
Or when your career takes a turn you never expected—and not by choice.
This too is grief.
It may not come with condolences or sympathy cards.
But it still hurts. And most of the time, it goes unseen.
As professionals, we’re often encouraged to “pivot” quickly, “stay positive,” or “trust the process.” While these intentions may be kind, they can unintentionally invalidate what we’re experiencing:
The loss of a dream.
That dream might have been a leadership role.
A career reinvention.
A sense of purpose.
Or simply, the recognition that your work matters.
When that dream is no longer possible—or delayed indefinitely—it leaves an ache that can affect motivation, confidence, and even identity.
So, how do we acknowledge this kind of grief—without shame?
Start by naming what you’ve lost.
Ask yourself:
“What dream did I have that hasn’t come true?”
“What version of my future am I quietly grieving?”
Write it down.
Say it out loud.
Share it with someone you trust.
This act of naming is not weakness—it is courage.
Because when we acknowledge what hurts, we stop carrying it alone.
Do something symbolic to bring closure—
not to erase the dream,
but to create space for something new.
Here are a few gentle yet powerful actions:
Write a farewell letter to the dream.
Acknowledge the effort, the hope, the vision.
Thank it for what it gave you. Release what it can no longer offer.
Create a visual representation.
Print a photo, draw a symbol, or choose an object that represented the dream.
Place it in a box, a journal, or even let it go—through water, fire, or earth.
Take a walk with a question:
“If I no longer pursue that dream, what part of it still lives in me?”
Let nature, breath, and silence offer you something unexpected.
Declare a new beginning—ritually.
Choose a new notebook. Rearrange your workspace. Wear something that reflects who you are becoming.
Mark the shift with intention, not perfection.
These are not small things.
They are sacred pauses—moments where you tell your soul:
“I honor what was, and I am open to what will be.”
You are not giving up.
You are giving dignity to your disappointment.
And from that place…
You may find clarity.
You may find resilience.
You may find a new vision that wasn’t visible through the fog of unprocessed grief.
You can begin again.
Not by pretending it didn’t matter—
but by allowing the loss to shape you into someone even more aligned with your truth.
Grief in the professional world deserves to be named, witnessed, and transformed.
Let’s stop minimizing these experiences and start creating space for healing—even in the workplace.
Because behind every lost title, delayed dream, or unexpected detour…
there’s a human being.
With feelings.
With depth.
With the power to rise—again.
With compassion and purpose,
Ligia M. Houben
Grief & Life Transitions Expert | Speaker | Creator of the 11 Principles of Transformation®
by Ligia Houben | Apr 14, 2025 | All, Blog US
Can it be a sense of renewal when grieving?
Spring is a season that whispers renewal, fresh beginnings, and hope. But when we are grieving, the arrival of spring can feel out of sync. When your heart aches and your spirit feels dormant, how do you embrace the call to begin again?
Grief doesn’t follow the calendar. It doesn’t pause for sunshine, blossoms, or celebrations. And yet, spring gently reminds us that even the deepest winters of the soul are not forever.
Renewal doesn’t mean forgetting. It means allowing ourselves to gently shift—from surviving to sensing the possibility of living again. To honor what was, while making space for what may be.
The Invitation of Spring
Grief can feel like being stuck in a long, cold season—one where color has faded, and even the brightest day feels dim. When we’re grieving, time may feel frozen, and emotions can come in waves.
Spring doesn’t ask us to leap forward. It invites us to soften. Just as the earth thaws slowly and blossoms gradually emerge, we, too, are allowed to unfold—bud by bud, moment by moment.
There is no rush. Only a quiet possibility:
That something within us may still want to bloom.
How Can We Renew Ourselves Through Grief?
This season is not about forcing a fresh start, but about gently tuning in to where we are—and what we need. If you’re wondering how to move toward renewal, even in small ways, here are some gentle practices to consider:
1. Create a Ritual of Release
What are you ready to let go of—guilt, regret, heaviness?
Write it down. Let it have a voice. Then plant those words into the earth, burn them in a safe container, or tear them into pieces and release them into flowing water.
Nature knows how to transform what we release. So do our hearts.
2. Connect with Nature
Let yourself be held by the natural world. Walk slowly. Feel the sun on your face or the breeze on your skin. Sit beneath a tree and breathe with its quiet strength.
Grief often disconnects us from the world around us. Nature invites us to remember: life continues… and you are still a part of it.
3. Tend to a Garden—or to Yourself
Plant something—perhaps herbs, flowers, or simply hope. Or tend to your body with nourishing food and kind movement.
Caring for life reminds us that we are capable of care, of love, of healing. Whether you grow a garden or water your inner soil, both are sacred.
4. Make Space for New Meaning
You may not feel ready for joy, but can you find moments of meaning? A shared memory. A comforting word. A sacred silence.
As Viktor Frankl wrote, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Spring offers us that challenge—with tenderness.
5. Honor the One You Lost Through a New Tradition
Grief is love with nowhere to go—unless we give it direction.
Light a candle in their memory. Write them a letter. Cook their favorite meal. Volunteer or create something in their honor.
Your love doesn’t end—it transforms. Let it continue in a way that feels true to you.
Renewal Is Not a Requirement—It’s an Invitation
You are not expected to feel better simply because the season has changed. Spring doesn’t demand your healing. It simply offers a gentle whisper:
You are still here. And there is life within you.
You may still cry. You may feel joy and sadness in the same breath.
This, too, is renewal.
Grief and growth are not opposites.
They can coexist—softly, silently, and beautifully.
So whether today you smile through tears or simply sit quietly and breathe, know that this is enough.
Like spring, you are allowed to begin again—gently, and in your own time.
From my heart to yours,
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Mar 21, 2025 | Blog US
Retirement is one of life’s most significant transitions and, for many people, it can represent a profound sense of loss. Although I often focus on the loss of a loved one, it’s important to address other types of losses we might experience, as broadening our conversations provides even greater support.
Identity and Emotions During Retirement
Retirement often signals the end of a significant chapter deeply tied to our identity and daily routines. After years or even decades in our professions, retirement can leave us feeling empty, uncertain, or struggling with our sense of self. Many clients have shared with me feelings of confusion, asking, “Ligia, who am I now?” This question emphasizes why addressing retirement grief is so important.
It’s essential to acknowledge and process your emotions fully. If you feel sadness, anxiety, or fear it’s understandable. These are natural feelings during this transition. Honoring these emotions is crucial for healing and personal growth.
Beyond Work: Navigating Social and Emotional Changes
Leaving a career means more than stepping away from a job; it often means losing daily interactions, friendships, and familiar routines. You may feel uncertain about your life’s purpose. Recognize and discuss these feelings openly—not as complaints, but as genuine aspects of your reality.
From Initial Euphoria to Disorientation
Initially, retirement can feel euphoric, similar to an extended vacation, filled with freedom, rest, and leisure. However, over time, many people feel disoriented without familiar routines and structure. This loss of structure may also trigger a loss of identity.
Acceptance is essential, aligning with the first of my 11 Principles of Transformation®. By accepting this new stage, you empower yourself to actively decide your path forward. We can always make choices. What are you choosing?
Retirement as a Path to Self-Discovery
Retirement can become a profound journey of growth and self-discovery if you embrace this change with gratitude and openness. Reconnect with passions you may have set aside: music, painting, reading, or volunteering. Retirement offers the perfect opportunity to reignite these interests and discover new purposes. Remember, your life’s purpose doesn’t disappear—it evolves. For example, mentoring younger generations can bring immense satisfaction and meaning. Do you remember a passion you had put aside?
Building Structure and Maintaining Connections
Creating a routine and maintaining social connections help provide emotional stability. Consider activities such as daily walks, book clubs, or regular gatherings with friends. Additionally, retirement is ideal for lifelong learning and personal growth. Programs such as those at the University of Miami or FIU’s Lifelong Learning Centers offer opportunities to pursue new interests, languages, and subjects you’ve always wished to explore. Year ago I used to teach at these centers and was impressed by the engagement of my students, who were retired professionals. It was really inspiring!
My beloved mother, at age 96, embraced technology to study English on Duolingo, inspired by her caregiver. 
Her experience illustrates it’s never too late for intellectual and personal growth, whether you’re 70, 75, or even older.
Embracing New Opportunities
Retirement isn’t the end but the beginning of a vibrant chapter full of possibilities. Reflect today on dreams you’ve postponed. How can you turn retirement into a transformative period of growth and discovery?
If this message resonated with you, please share it with someone navigating retirement. Opening these conversations can greatly help others on their journey.
Remember…your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Feb 26, 2025 | Blog US
Grief is not just about losing a loved one—it’s about losing the version of yourself that existed before that loss. The way you saw the world, the way you felt safe, the way you envisioned your future—all of that changes when grief enters your life. But here’s what most people don’t realize: you can reprogram how you experience grief, so it becomes a pathway for transformation rather than endless suffering.
In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), we know that the brain operates like a computer. It runs on programs, many of which are unconscious. When we experience deep grief, our mind often installs programs of pain, regret, guilt, or helplessness. These programs repeat, just like an old software system that keeps crashing.
Step 1: Identify the Grief Program You’re Running
Ask yourself:
What story am I telling myself about this loss?
Am I stuck in a pattern of “I will never be happy again” or “I should have done more”?
Do I believe I can heal, or does part of me resist that idea?
These thoughts create your emotional reality. The more you run them, the more they become automatic. But just like outdated software, they can be updated.
Step 2: Let Go of the Old Identity
When you lose someone, you don’t just grieve them—you grieve who you were when they were alive. This is where many people get stuck. They hold onto their past identity, not realizing that grief is also an initiation into a new version of themselves.
To let go of the old self, try this exercise:
Visualize your old self—the version of you before this loss. Acknowledge what you loved about that version, but also recognize what is no longer serving you.
Thank that version of yourself for getting you this far.
Imagine stepping into a new version of yourself—one who carries the love and memories of your loss but also has the capacity for joy, purpose, and healing.
Step 3: Install a New Program of Meaning and Transformation
Now, let’s rewrite the narrative. Instead of focusing only on what you lost, ask:
How can I honor my loved one through the way I live?
What strengths has this experience awakened in me?
How can I shift my focus from suffering to growth?
Your mind follows where you direct it. The more you focus on meaning, honoring, and transformation, the more your brain will rewire itself to experience grief differently.
Step 4: Embody the New You
Transformation isn’t just about changing thoughts—it’s about changing your emotional state and actions.
Change your posture—grief often makes us physically collapse inward. Open your chest, stand tall, breathe deeply.
Change your language—instead of saying I will never get over this, say I am learning to live with this in a way that honors my love.
Take new actions—introduce rituals, create a way to celebrate their memory, or engage in something meaningful that connects you to life.
Grief as a Gateway to Your Highest Self
You are not meant to be the same person after loss. You are meant to evolve. The pain is real, but so is the potential for growth, healing, and meaning.
If you’ve been running a program of suffering, know that you can rewrite it. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting—it means allowing yourself to transform while carrying love forward.
Who do you choose to become after this loss? That choice is yours.
From my heart to yours,
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Feb 18, 2025 | Blog US
Have you ever felt like your mind is playing the same thoughts over and over again? Like you wake up each day, and the same worries, regrets, or doubts are still there, circling around like they never left? You’re not alone. Research shows that we have between 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day, and what’s amazing according to Sandy Loder, is that 95% of them are the same as the day before. Even more striking, nearly 75% of those thoughts tend to be negative.
It’s like living inside Groundhog Day, the classic film where Bill Murray’s character, Phil Connors, wakes up to the same day over and over again. No matter what he does, the same events, the same frustrations, and the same struggles repeat themselves. And isn’t that exactly what happens in our minds when we’re stuck in grief, stress, or fear? We relive the same thoughts, the same pain, the same “what ifs”—trapped in a loop we don’t know how to escape. Has this happened to you?
But here’s the good news: Just like Phil eventually found a way out, so can we.
Recognizing Your Mental Groundhog Day
Our minds are wired for repetition. Thoughts create neural pathways, and the more we think the same thing, the deeper those pathways become. That’s why when we experience loss, heartbreak, or anxiety, we keep replaying the same painful memories, the same self-doubts, and the same fears. We may repeat questions like these ones:
Why did this happen?
What could I have done differently?
I’ll never feel happy again.
Just like Phil kept waking up to the same alarm and the same small-town routine, our minds keep presenting us with the same mental script. And unless we consciously change something, we’ll stay in that loop. The first step to change the loop is to be aware that we have it.
Breaking the Pattern: How to Wake Up to a New Mental Reality
In Groundhog Day, Phil finally escapes when he stops resisting and starts changing—his actions, his mindset, his response to the same circumstances. Here’s how we can do the same:
1. Become Aware of the Loop
The first step is noticing the pattern. Are you ruminating on the same thoughts every day? Are they helping you, or are they keeping you stuck? Writing them down or practicing mindfulness can make these loops more visible.
2. Shift from Judgment to Awareness
Instead of fighting your thoughts, observe them. Imagine them like clouds passing by—you don’t have to chase them or hold onto them. You can let them drift away.
3. Introduce a New Script
If 95% of our thoughts are the same every day, we need to consciously introduce new ones to break the cycle. Start by asking:
What thought would I rather have today?
What’s one small thing I can do differently?
Affirmations, gratitude practices, or simply redirecting your attention can start shifting those neural pathways.
4. Take Small, Intentional Actions
Phil didn’t escape by doing the same things—he changed his behavior. He learned new skills, connected with people differently, and chose to see his circumstances from a new perspective. We can do the same. If grief or stress has kept you in a cycle of isolation or rumination, take one small action today:
Write a letter to someone you love.
Start a new ritual to honor a loss.
Take five minutes to breathe and reset.
5. Rewire Your Mind Through Transformation
Breaking free from mental repetition isn’t about pretending pain doesn’t exist—it’s about transforming it.
My book, Allow Me to Live My Grief… and Heal from the Inside Out, is for those who feel trapped in their own emotional Groundhog Day. It’s a guide to breaking free from repetitive pain, embracing healing, and stepping into a new way of living.
Your Fresh Start Begins Now
Phil Connors eventually woke up to a brand-new day—not because the world around him changed, but because he did. The same is possible for you. It all starts with us.
If you’re tired of waking up to the same thoughts, the same struggles, the same pain, it’s time to shift. Your mind is powerful, and you have the ability to break the cycle. The question is: What new thought, new action, or new perspective will you choose today?
Because the moment you change, so does your world.
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Feb 7, 2025 | Blog US
Sometimes, life changes us in an instant. We feel that everything is in order, but suddenly, something unexpected shakes us and confronts us with a loss: the death of a loved one, an illness, the loss of a job, a separation. It’s as if someone turned off the light switch and left us in the dark. We find ourselves in an unknown, dark space, not knowing how to move.
Even though we can’t control change, we can decide how to deal with it despite the great pain. We can stay in the dark, or we can look within ourselves for a way to light a new light.
The Impact of Unexpected Change
When we face a loss, our life becomes a blink of an eye. We are no longer the same, even if we would like to remain the same. Fear, sadness, and uncertainty are natural responses. Suddenly, what we know disappears and we are forced to adapt to a different reality.
However, the key is to be aware that change does not have to define us, but that we can define what kind of change it will be, and how we are going to experience it.
Three Steps to Managing Change After a Loss
1. Accepting the New Reality
Acceptance does not mean resignation but rather acknowledging what has happened and allowing ourselves to feel. Only when we accept the present, rather than resist it, can we begin to build the future.
2. Choosing our attitude
Although we can’t control what happens to us, we can always control our response.
We can live with suffering or with an open heart to know what we can learn from ourselves. It all depends on the attitude which we face each day.
3. In the dark, the hardest thing is to take the first step.
Remember that even a small movement brings us closer to the light.
Ask yourself: What action can I take today to start moving forward in my journey?
Lighting our way
It is natural to feel lost after a loss, however little by little, our mind and heart adjust to the new reality. And when we decide to turn on our own light, we discover that within us there has always been the ability to transform pain into growth.
Today, I invite you to reflect:
If your life were a dark room right now, where do you think you can find a switch?
From my heart to yours,
Ligia M. Houben
