by Ligia Houben | Oct 26, 2024 | Blog US
When we lose a loved one, it’s natural to dwell on their final moments. However, I want to remind you that your loved one lived a full and meaningful life before those last days. I invite you to remember all those cherished experiences, for they are an integral part of honoring a loved one’s legacy. While their physical presence may be gone, their story, impact, and the memories they created live on in our hearts. This enduring love and influence offer a source of strength, comfort, and hope as we navigate our own path of healing from grief.
In approaching the journey of grief, it’s essential to recognize that healing from loss is not about erasing pain or forgetting our loved one. Instead, it is about honoring their life in ways that inspire growth and personal transformation. Embracing this perspective means carrying within us the essence of those we have lost, allowing their values, teachings, and memories to shape our lives moving forward. In this way, we can find meaning in loss and integrate our loved one’s legacy into our journey, empowering ourselves to live with renewed purpose.
Let’s explore some powerful ways to cope with grief and loss:
1. The Legacy of Love and Impact
Reflect on the experiences shared with your loved one and how they continue to shape your life. Keeping their legacy alive through your actions and decisions allows their teachings and values to live on. Each memory you honor strengthens the bond you share, reaffirming their presence in your life as a lasting influence.
2. Finding Meaning After Loss
Grief can become a catalyst for personal transformation, helping us to redefine our purpose. Consider ways to honor a loved one’s memory, such as creating meaningful rituals: write them a letter, visit their resting place to share life updates, or support a cause they cared deeply about. These acts can become deeply healing rituals that connect us to their spirit and keep their memory alive.
3. The Power of Storytelling in Healing
Storytelling can play a transformative role in the healing process. Sharing memories, whether verbally or in writing, keeps your loved one’s story alive and extends their influence in the world. It also allows you to work through your grief by remembering the happy, meaningful, and even challenging times you shared.
4. Healing as a Journey, Not a Destination
Recognize that grief is an ongoing journey, and it’s natural for pain to resurface from time to time. Learning to cope with grief involves keeping the love and memory of your loved one alive in your heart, allowing them to remain a part of your life as you continue forward.
Healing from grief does not mean forgetting your loved one. It means learning to live fully while carrying their love and memories with you. Embrace the idea that the legacy of those we’ve lost endures and provides us with enduring strength.
Always remember: love is eternal.
From my heart to yours,
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Jul 7, 2024 | Blog US
The Individual Nature of Grief
Grief is an emotional reaction caused by an important loss in our lives. Each of us carries our own history, shaping the way we express and experience grief. It’s crucial to remember that we should never judge another person’s grieving process based on our own reality. Grieving is a deeply personal journey, and everyone has the right to navigate it in their own way.
The Unpredictable Experience of Grief
One of the most common questions people ask is how they will experience grief. Although we might have an idea of how we might react, we can never know for sure. When faced with the loss of a loved one, our reactions can vary widely: we might scream, cry, or remain silent. We may share our grief with others or keep it to ourselves. Some find solace in writing their thoughts in a journal, while others turn to their religious beliefs for comfort. Learning to live through the process of grief is essential.
The Rollercoaster of Emotions
Grief is like a rollercoaster – it has its ups and downs, sometimes in sudden and jarring ways, other times more subtly, but it is never constant. It is unreasonable to assume that we can dictate a person’s grieving timeline. Often, just when we think the most challenging part is over, an anniversary, a birthday, or a special date can trigger a renewed sense of loss and pain. It’s vital to allow our hearts to experience these feelings fully, without repression.
Facing the Waves of Grief
Feelings of grief can hit us like a huge wave. When we see that wave approaching, we have three choices: we can ride it to the shore, run away from it, or dive into it. The best option, much like with grief, is to ride it. By facing and experiencing our grief, we honor our emotional journey and continue our life path.
The Right to Grieve
Grieving is a natural and necessary response to loss. It is our right to grieve, to feel the depth of our emotions, and to express them in ways that are true to us. Whether through tears, silence, writing, or prayer, our grief deserves to be acknowledged and respected.
Embracing Your Grieving Process
What are you experiencing right now? Take a piece of paper and write down your feelings – this simple act may help you release them and bring a sense of peace. Remember, your grief is valid, and your way of grieving is uniquely yours. Embrace it, and let it guide you through your healing journey.
From my heart to yours,
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Mar 19, 2024 | Blog US
Experiencing a crisis is an expected human experience. The question that arises is, how do we navigate a crisis not just by surviving but by thriving? It’s essential to delve deep into understanding what constitutes a crisis, its impact on us, and how we can emerge stronger.
What Defines a Crisis?
According to Merriam-Webster, a crisis is an emotionally significant event or a radical change of status in a person’s life, marking a period of instability or a crucial state of affairs where a decisive change is impending. Kendra Cherry adds a dimension by stating that in mental health terms, a crisis refers not to the traumatic event itself but to an individual’s reaction to it. This highlights the variability in human responses to the same event, underlining the power of perception in shaping our experiences.
Understanding Our Reactions
Our reactions to crises are deeply personal, tied to our unique stories and perceptions. While one might find an event paralyzingly stressful, another might shrug it off with little to no distress. This variability underscores the importance of recognizing and respecting our reactions to the same circumstances.
Common Crises and Their Impact
From the sudden loss of a loved one, and financial losses, to drastic changes in lifestyle and family disruptions, crises can take various forms, each carrying the potential to unsettle our lives significantly. Notably, even anticipated events like the death of a person with a long illness can evolve into a crisis, challenging our ability to cope.
Navigating Through Crises
Crises demand us to confront change head-on, often pushing us into ‘survival mode.’ However, there’s a profound difference between merely surviving and truly living through a crisis. Embracing the latter requires resilience, a shift in perspective, and the ability to see beyond the immediate turmoil.
Acknowledge Your Feelings:
Expressing emotions is crucial. Bottling up feelings can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even physical health issues.
Seek and Offer Support:
Staying connected with others and offering support can significantly mitigate the feelings of isolation and helplessness that often accompany crises.
Find Meaning and Purpose:
Use the crisis as an opportunity for self-reflection. Reevaluate your values, goals, and what truly matters to you. This introspection can lead to profound personal growth and a renewed sense of purpose.
Adapt and Grow: Recognize the transient nature of crises. Each crisis, while challenging, also presents opportunities for growth, learning, and development. Embrace change as an integral part of life’s journey and find ways to adapt constructively.
Practice Gratitude: In times of crisis, it’s easy to lose sight of the positives. Practicing gratitude can help shift focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant, fostering a more optimistic outlook.
Cultivate Resilience: Resilience is not innate but can be developed over time. Facing crises with resilience involves accepting the situation, learning from it, and finding ways to bounce back stronger.
Concluding Thoughts
Keep in mind, as Vivian Greene says: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning how to dance.” Crises, as daunting as they may seem, offer us a chance to pause, reflect, and recalibrate. They challenge us to find inner strength, embrace change, and ultimately, chart a course towards a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
As we navigate through challenging times, let’s remind ourselves that crises are not just obstacles but opportunities for growth, transformation, and renewal. Let’s not just survive but thrive, embracing each day with resilience, hope, and an unwavering belief in our capacity to overcome.
Remember…your life has meaning,
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Dec 31, 2023 | Blog US
As we stand at the cusp of a new year, let the wisdom of Søren Kierkegaard inspire us, “Life can only be understood backward; but it must be lived forward,” and reflect together on what this year meant to us. His profound words remind us that understanding our past is crucial to meaningfully living our future. The practice of introspection at the end of the year is a powerful tool for our personal growth and self-awareness.
Reflecting on the Year
Reflection is more than merely glancing at the past; it explores experiences and lessons. Like a mosaic of varied experiences, this year has brought us joys, challenges, and invaluable lessons. As you ponder what the year has brought, what you’ve learned about yourself, and how you’ve lived with purpose, you’re not just recounting events but diving into your experiences’ essence.
Living with Purpose: Did your actions align with your values and goals? Purposeful living often brings a sense of fulfillment and joy.
Expressing Love and Gratitude: Reflect on your relationships and remember that love and gratitude are powerful, enriching our connections and well-being.
Forgiveness and Hope: These are pillars of emotional resilience. Reflecting on these can be transformative, especially when overcoming challenges.
Staying True to Oneself: This is about being honest with ourselves. It is about authenticity. Were there moments when you could not connect with your inner self? What led to them?
Acknowledging Pain and Loss
In life, we have happy moments and sad moments. Acknowledging these feelings and understanding their roots and impacts in our lives is crucial. Processing pain is not just about coping; it’s about growth and healing.
It’s about transformation.
Transforming Challenges: How have your challenges shaped you? What strengths have you discovered in yourself as a result?
Embracing Hope: It is essential to keep hope in our hearts as it propels us forward, especially during uncertainty or distress.
Creating Your 2024
As you visualize 2024, it’s about choice – the choice to be happier, think positively, act with purpose, and live in alignment with your true self. Your approach to the new year is not just about setting goals; it’s about nurturing a mindset that fosters hope, peace, growth, happiness, and fulfillment.
I wish you a blessed New Year!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Nov 27, 2023 | Blog US
As we have recently started our Holiday Season with Thanksgiving, it’s a time to gather with loved ones, celebrate, and enjoy. However, for those who have recently lost a loved one, this season may feel empty and challenging. It’s important you recognize and validate your feelings and connect with family and friends.
Coping with Loss During the Holidays
You cannot change what has happened, but you can still find new meaning during these special days. Even if you don’t feel like celebrating, you can remember your loved one in meaningful ways, such as creating rituals.
Creating Rituals
– Light a Candle: Light a candle in remembrance as you gather with your family.
– Share Memories: Sharing special memories can be a powerful way to honor your loved one.
– Memory Chest: Place a chest in the living room where family and friends can share anecdotes.
Starting New Traditions
In many families, a particular person leads the celebrations. Their absence can be deeply felt, but this also opens up the possibility of starting new traditions.
– Elissa’s Story: Elissa, a Lebanese American, celebrates Thanksgiving with a stuffed lamb instead of turkey to honor her Lebanese father.
– Hortensia’s Tradition: Hortensia, from Venezuela, continues her mother’s legacy by cooking pernil de cerdo al horno (oven-roasted pork) every Christmas.
Preparing for the First Celebration Without Your Loved One
The first holiday season without your loved one can be particularly challenging. Preparation and finding meaning in these days are essential.
Dealing with Grief
– Some people might turn to alcohol or drugs, but this is not a healthy coping mechanism.
– Prescription drugs might help some manage grief-related anxiety or depression.
– Spirituality and participating in rituals can offer solace.
– Counseling or griefwork can provide guidance and support.
Validating Different Kinds of Losses
Besides the loss of a loved one, other transitions can affect our holiday joy:
– Job loss, financial difficulties.
– Mental and physical illnesses.
– Loneliness, depression, anxiety.
– Relocating to a new place.
– Family disharmony.
– Relationship breakdowns.
– Loss of a pet.
Communicating Needs and Transforming the Season
Communicate your needs with others, take care of yourself, and consider using this time to grow closer to loved ones or serve others.
– Spend time with children or elderly who might need attention and care.
– Remember, giving from the heart means more than material gifts.
Final Thoughts
Though the holidays can be difficult, they also offer opportunities to share time with special people in your life. By transforming your loss, you can change your life.
by Ligia Houben | Nov 26, 2023 | blog, Blog US
Introduction
Grief is a journey with unique paths, and it was uniquely challenging for Leonidas Reimer, a young adolescent. Losing Kennedy, his girlfriend, to suicide, Leonidas found himself engulfed in a sea of emotions. However, in the depths of his sorrow, he discovered solace and expression through music. His story is one of healing and transformation, a narrative that resonates with the power of purpose and passion. Although Leonidas’ world turned upside down when he lost Kennedy, he was determined to channel his pain into something meaningful.
The Healing Power of Music
Music became Leonidas’ refuge, and he started working on his album, “Songs for a Long Train Ride Home.” He poured his heart into melodies and lyrics, each note a step towards healing. His songs, raw and honest, are a tribute to Kennedy; they are a way to keep her memory alive.
Because music is his passion, I wanted him to meet Marlow Rosado, an amazing human being and accomplished musician. He is the winner of two Grammys and producer of my upcoming audiobook in Spanish, “Déjame vivir mi duelo…y sanar de adentro hacia afuera” (Allow Me to Grieve…and Heal From the Inside Out). Leonidas visited Marlow’s studio when we were recording, and he had the opportunity to learn from Marlow’s experience and share his story.
In the sanctuary of Marlow’s studio, surrounded by instruments and echoes of creativity, Leonidas shared his album “Songs for a Long Train Ride Home.” Marlow listened to Leonidas’ journey, and with an open heart, he offered more than just musical advice; he provided sensitive insights on healing through purpose. Leonidas’ encounter with Marlow was profound as it confirmed his mission: to use his music as a beacon for others traversing the dark waters of grief. It touches my heart to see how Leonidas has embraced the transformative power of music, demonstrating how it can be a vessel for grief, carrying it from the shadows into the light.
Leonidas’ story is a poignant reminder that a melody of hope can emerge in the depths of despair. Through his music, he honors Kennedy’s memory and offers a guiding light to those who have experienced similar loss. Furthermore, his journey continues after his music. He is also working on a film, “The Kennedy Project,” to introduce a proactive stance to suicide prevention.
Reflection
Grief is a profound and complex emotional response to loss, particularly when we lose someone significant in our lives. Although the process varies significantly from person to person, being witnessed in grief is crucial. What helps the most is to express our emotions in a safe and understanding environment, validating our feelings and experiences. Healing from grief is a gradual process of re-engaging with life, finding new meanings, and living life with a renewed sense of purpose.
As I reflect on Leonidas’ journey, I am confident he will continue showing the resilience and compassion of his human spirit, and his ability to find solace and meaning in creativity.
