by Ligia Houben | Nov 30, 2020 | Blog US
If I could have chosen the month in which you were going to die, I would have chosen January because I would have had the whole year until Christmas. But wait, on Feb 14th is when we celebrate Valentine’s Day! Then, what about at the end of February? Neither, because depending on the year, Holy Week is in March or April, that was a very sacred time for us.
At the same time, May would not have been a good month either, because we celebrate Mother’s Day, your special day!
That takes us to June, which is the month when you died. However, I would not have chosen it because the following month is my birthday, and it was excruciating to be without you that day. It could not be in August either, since your birthday was the 8th, and how could we not celebrate another birthday of yours! But wait, in September neither, because it’s my anniversary and you loved to congratulate me.
Not even to consider October, because it is the birthday of your second daughter, Marielena. November? Impossible! my father’s anniversary is on the 11th, and this is a very sacred date for the family; besides, the festivities begin with Thanksgiving Day. December is not an appropriate month neither, as we celebrate the birthday of your eldest daughter, Alicia, La Purísima, and Christmas. Moreover, we start looking forward to the new year.
If I had to choose a month for your death, I would have chosen a name that does not exist in the calendar.
Love
Ligia del Carmen
by Ligia Houben | Nov 23, 2020 | Blog US
You Can Bounce Back After a Loss
In life, everybody faces difficult times, such as losing a loved one, a divorce or break-up, illness, or the loss of a job. As you read these lines, you may identify with one or several of these losses, and although you may feel you won’t be able to overcome the pain and be happy again, you can bounce back after a loss and even thrive on grief.
You can find strength and hope no matter what you are confronting in life. It may take time (it is different for each of us), but it is possible. What matters most is to have faith and believe in your resilience. Yes, you can bounce back after a loss. You just need to look into your inner self to bring up those resources.
I won’t be happy again…
Life is unfair…
Why has this happened to me?
These are some of the thoughts you may entertain at moments of grief, despair, or hopelessness. It is natural to experience these emotions. It only shows you are human. Still, you can choose to dwell on your pain or bounce back after your loss.
I have been so touched by many of my clients who have faced painful situations and thrive on their grief that I wanted to remind you of your possibilities. Moreover, at the present time, I am confronting a huge loss in my own life: I lost my beloved mother five months ago. In the midst of my immense grief and inspired by her love, I have decided to bounce back. Furthermore, I have encountered many losses in the past and have been able to bounce back. It has to do with faith, hope, strength, resilience, and love.
We have valuable resources in our spirit, mind, and heart.
It is up to us if we use them.
Remember, as you transform your loss, you transform your life!
www.the11principlesoftransformation.com
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Oct 14, 2020 | Blog US
Today I missed you. I missed jumping out of bed with the illusion of saying good morning to you.
Today I missed you when I went to Publix and saw the bakery. I remembered how much you liked your doughnut.
Today I missed you when I went to church. I remembered we used to sit on the first row
Today I missed you when I went to Macy’s to get a present and remembered how much you enjoyed going shopping.
Today I missed you when arranging a drawer, I saw the domino box that you enjoyed so much playing.
Today I missed you when I was organizing my necklaces and saw a necklace that you designed.
Today I missed you when I saw the room and saw your empty bed
Today I missed you when I watched your videos and smiled at your wittiness.
Today I missed you when I saw the chair in my living room where you sat when we had our family gatherings.
Today I missed you when I found a piece of paper you had written that I have not seen in years
Today I missed you when the night came and suddenly the house felt so empty
Today I missed you because you were more than my mother, you were my friend. You were my companion. You were my teacher. You were my confidant. You were my reason to be. Because you were part of me.
Today I missed you…what am I saying? I miss you every day not only today because you were the center of my life, and everything gravitated around you.
You were that why. You were that what for, and it did not end with your death.
Your shining light has stayed with me to guide me, to inspire me, and to make me whole again.
Love
Ligia del Carmen
by Ligia Houben | Sep 18, 2020 | Blog US
Grief is a personal experience. Because we are unique human beings, our grief is unique.
Although we may think we know what the other person is feeling, we do not. Grief is very subjective and we can only understand or empathize, but we cannot really know what they are experiencing internally. What happens when the bereaved is your loved one?
What can you say? What can you do to make them feel better?
When we deal with our own grief, we may know what helps us or what to do to process it. In the case of another person, we may tell them what has helped us and what may help them, but we cannot do it for them. They have to go through their own process and during that time is when your own grief becomes real. It hurts you to see them grieving. You may feel impotent as you are not able to take the pain away from your loved one; it becomes heavy because it adds extra pain to yours; You may become impatient when you lack the understanding of their grief; and, finally, you may humble yourself when you realize you do not have the power to make it disappear.
You can only be present with love, compassion, empathy, patience, and hope.
As you transform your loss, you transform your life.
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Sep 4, 2020 | Blog US
I remember your face as a shining star, reflecting peace, joy, and love.
I remember your gaze like a ray of light, filling any space, any corner
I remember your laughter, like a vibrant, joyous bell, full of life
I remember your curiosity, eager to gain more knowledge and learn new skills
I remember your love for life, enjoying every moment, every experience
I remember your love for others, giving affection, helping those who needed it
I remember your faith in God, being the rock of your existence, being the source of your serenity, being the hope towards eternal life.
Mom, I remember you, and it is those memories that now fill my spirit
Mom, I remember you, and it is those memories that now make my heart joyful
Mom, I remember you, and it is those memories that inspire me to continue living with joy, with love for others, and faith in God.
Your cumiche,
Ligia del Carmen
by Ligia Houben | Aug 15, 2020 | Blog US
What will my future be like, if my present has lost its joy?
What will my future be like, if my present is so empty?
What will my future be like, if my present has lost the light of each morning?
What will my future be like, if my present suddenly feels heavy?
What will my future be like, if my present is surrounded by darkness?
What will my future be like, if my present is full of sadness?
What will my future be like, if my present has lost its illusion?
What will my future be like, if my present feels loaded?
What will my future be like, if my present is only memories?
What will my future be like, if my present is full of unanswered questions?
Wait … I have the answer of what my future will be like
To that lack of joy, little by little I will open my heart
To that emptiness, little by little I will fill it with your love
To that lack of light, I will open the window of my soul so that the sun can come in
To that heaviness, I will loosen the moorings so that it rises to heaven
To that darkness, little by little I will allow the light to enter
Little by little, I will turn that sadness into an illusion towards a future
To that lack of breath, little by little I will turn it into hope
Those memories will be my inspiration to honor your memory
Those unanswered questions, I will hand them over to God.
*This poem was written on 08/07/2020 two months after my beloved mother had died.
My heart is open to love and hope…
Ligia M. Houben
