Whatever you want to achieve in life…follow your dream. Remember to think big, and you will be able to transform your life.
Nothing can stop you but your own mind. Napoleon Hill, in his seminal work, Think and Grow Rich stated: “What the mind can conceive, it can achieve. ” It all starts with having the desire to make it happen.
Martin Luther King said, “I have a Dream” and he carried it on….
So, what is your contribution to this world? How can you become a better person? What is your dream?
Imagine it! Cherish it! See it in your mind and feel it in your heart!
If you face obstacles, do not dismay. Do not allow people to discourage you.
Surround yourself with people who believe in you and your dream, and cheer you up.
People who “coach” you through tough times and cherish your wins. Even small wins count!
Achieving a dream is a process (just like the grieving process); it may take time, but it does not matter. Start taking the first step today.
Even if you are facing a crisis, a difficult time or a loss. You can still dream for a better life because…there is life after a loss, and it is precious.
So, what do you need in order to follow your dream? I have found these values to be of great help:
•Desire (to make it happen!)
•Believe in yourself
•Perseverance
•Self-discipline
•Self-confidence
•Having a high intention (something bigger than you)
•Resilience during challenging times
•Being optimistic
•Being flexible
•Being fearless
So, do not wait for better times to pursue your dream. The time is now!
Your life is finite, and you do not want to waste more time in dreaming what you wish you could be, do, or give.
I wrote this article after the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, which happened very close to each other in June 2018. After reading the sad news about the suicide of the Olympic cyclist Kelly Catlin, I wanted to repost it again. The World Health Organization (WHO) reports that every 40 seconds a person dies due to suicide. Death by suicide is epidemic and it is important to talk about it and to look for help when it is needed.
According to the famous suicidologist, Edwin Schneidman, suicide happens when a person is experiencing psychache (psychological pain) which is impossible to bear. In his seminal work, Definition of Suicide, Schneidman stated that the most common emotion a person who is contemplating suicide experiences is hopelessness-helplessness. Taking this valuable information into consideration, we can take a closer and look at what is happening in our society. Based on a recent study of the Centers for Disease and Prevention in Atlanta, in the last two decades suicide has increased more than 30%. Moreover, in The Last Dance, the textbook I used when I taught Death and Dying at Florida International University, it shows that in 2005 there were almost 30,000 suicides a year in the United States. In 2016 the CDC shows there were nearly 45,000 deaths. These statistics show an increase of 50% in 11 years. What is provoking this increase? Who is dying from suicide and how can we prevent it?
This topic is getting a lot of attention after the unfortunate deaths from suicide of two famous people this past week, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. These tragic incidents have promoted discussion about the causes of why people would take their own lives.
The CDC report shows to us that suicide not only happens when the person suffers from a mental health condition. It may occur when the person doesn’t possess the necessary life skills to help them deal with stressful life events such as financial difficulties, job loss, and health issues among others. In older adults, the fact of growing older can also be a cause of suicide. Furthermore, it is increasing among middle-aged men as Martin Daubney points out in his article, Why does no one care when boys fail at school, and middle-aged men kill themselves? Daubney mentions a study in the UK that shows a 40% increase in suicide among middle-aged men in the last five years. In the United States, the highest suicide rate (19.72%) is among adults (45-54 years of age).
It is important to know that suicide is happening on a significant scale and it’s necessary we start having the conversation openly, so we can focus on prevention and awareness. In the seminars I impart nationwide on Transforming Grief and Loss. Helping Your Clients Through Major Life Transitions, where we talk about how to build resilience, suicide is always central to our discussion. Experiencing the loss of purpose and meaning, seems to be a major factor to lose hope for a future, and find suicide as the only way to end a life that is not fulfilling.
Let’s keep in mind that not only adults die from ending their lives, but also adolescents and children. Among the leading causes seem to be a change of schools, peer pressure, and bullying (Grim, 2012). In a recent seminar, a counselor at a university shared with us that 40% of her clients have suicidal ideation.
How can we help
If you know someone who is suicidal, always validate their emotions. Remember that for them their pain may be too huge to handle, and suicide is their only way out. Allow them to talk to you about how they feel instead of diverting the conversation (e.g., you’ll be OK!), and provide support. Please remember not to say others have it worst. Sometimes trying to help, people make those comments, and they do not help much. Instead, provide information about hotlines and direct them to a professional that can help them find ways to cope with their life stressors.
Warning Signs
1. Changes in personality or behavior
2. Giving away possessions
3. Talking about killing themselves or the desire to die
4. Changes in eating and sleeping patterns
5. Isolation
6. Using alcohol or drugs
Risk Factors
1. Feelings or hopelessness
2. Mental disorders
3. Health issues
4. Previous ideation or attempts
5. Substance abuse
6. Financial losses
7. Relationship problems
8. Job loss
9. Isolation and lack of resources
10. Loss of a loved one
11. Lack of purpose or meaning
12. Fear of aging
13. Lack of coping skills
14. History of aggression
Lastly, let’s all keep in mind that understanding what may provoke someone to die from suicide can help increase awareness, participate in suicide prevention, and have an open and compassionate conversation.
Schneidman, Edwin. PhD (1977). Definition of Suicide. Jason Aronson, Inc.: New York, NY.
Grimm, Joe, Ed. (2012). The New Bullying-How social media, social exclusion, laws and suicide have changed our definition of bullying, and what to do about it: Read the Spirit Books and Imprint of David Crumme Media, LLC.: Canton, MA
DeSpelder, Lynne Ann and Albert Lee Strickland (2005). The Last Dance. McGrawHill: New York, NY
Are you in touch with your inner self? Do you know what your values, needs, and fears are?
Do you live according to the things that are meaningful to you?
We live in a constantly changing world. We are exposed to new ideas and concepts on a regular basis. We are actually information overloaded! How do you process all this? How do you know you are making the right choices? How do you know you are living a life that resonates with whom you really are?
This message is an exploration of the different messages we receive and how we deal with them. As many of you know, I like to see the human being in a holistic manner. Therefore, we will take a look at our different dimensions. We will start with the physical.
What is healthier? What kind of exercise should we do? How often? Should we eat red meat or become vegetarians? Do we take time to rest? Do we take time for leisure? Are we satisfied with our lifestyle?
What about the social dimension? What is most important? Our work? Our friends? What about social media? Do we need to have a Facebook page? A twitter account? What if you are a professional? Should you have your profile on LinkedIn? How do we communicate better? Is it through texting or making a phone call? Are you communicating at a deep level or you have lost that connection?
Now, let’s explore our emotional dimension. Is it possible to be happy? Does the same concept of happiness apply to everybody? What about grief? Do we all grieve the same? What helps? Does grief counseling help? What about self-help books? What about support groups? Do they work?
Are you carrying pain in your heart that prevents you from becoming the person you want to be?
What about the spiritual dimension? How does praying help? What about meditation? Does it give us personal fulfillment? Is there a difference between spirituality and religion? Can we be spiritual without being religious? Are we nourishing our spirits on a daily basis? Are we exercising our souls, as much as our bodies?
We may have all these messages and different perspectives on how to live our lives…and we may be confused. Still, something we need to be clear about is, knowing who we are, and how to live a life with meaning.
So, I ask you….who are you? What are your values? What is important to you? What inspires you? What motivates you? What displeases you? Do you live according to your values?
Our fulfillment and joy resides in knowing who we are, and living according to our purpose and values. Still, if you are slightly confused in this area, I suggest you take a piece of paper and, on the top of the page write Who am I? Open your heart and open your mind, and write. Do not be afraid. Connect with your real essence and you will discover that, the answers to live a life with purpose, have always resided within you.
If you are facing a difficult life transition now, people may tell you:
It’s about time you feel better. You cannot be sad (or angry, or anxious) all the time.
You should distract yourself and stop thinking about what has happened to you (even if you lost your loved one and you DO NOT KNOW how to continue).
You should be positive-like if you can just erase what has happened to you.
You have to be strong (generally, people define strength with no crying).
In almost no time, you become the result of the expectation of others-your family, your friends, society-and you stuff your grief deep in your heart. But there is a challenge with that…
What you ignore doesn’t cease to exist…it is only repressed. Before you know it, you may be expressing your grief physically (headaches, insomnia, excess eating) or socially (isolating yourself). As a bereaved person, you have the right to process your grief and embrace life again.
In this video, Ligia M. Houben has a message for you and invites you to reflect on which areas of your life your grief may be manifesting.
After watching the video, reflect on these three questions: How am I expressing my grief physically? How is my grief influencing my personal relationships? How am I dealing with my grief on a daily basis?
You can post your comments here.
If there is an issue with your grief you are having a special challenge with, I would like to know about it. Share it here: info@ligiahouben.com
