by Ligia Houben | Feb 12, 2019 | Blog US
The Silent Struggle of Grieving Employees
Many times, when someone experiences a loss and returns to the workplace, colleagues avoid the topic entirely. The atmosphere turns silent—as if nothing has happened. What does this silence communicate to the grieving person?
They often feel invisible. Unseen. Invalidated.
In my work with clients, I’ve seen this pattern far too often. The griever retreats into their office, overwhelmed by sorrow or frustration, crying in silence or struggling to focus. Unable to share their pain in a space that feels emotionally unsafe, their grief becomes an internal burden—unspoken, yet ever-present.
A Society That Denies Grief
We live in a society that avoids grief. In the workplace, this avoidance is magnified. There’s an unspoken expectation to “bounce back” quickly and perform at the same level as before, as if the loss never happened. When grief is ignored, absenteeism rises, not because people don’t care about their jobs, but because being in that environment is emotionally unbearable.
And so, the grieving employee puts on a mask. Pretends to be “fine.” But inside, they are broken. Their pain is hidden beneath the surface, unnoticed and unsupported.
Grief Is More Than Death
When we talk about loss, we must expand our definition. Grief is not limited to the death of a loved one. It also stems from:
Divorce
Loss of health
A significant change in identity
The loss of a dream or career path
Grief is a natural and unique response to loss. Each person grieves differently, expressing it across emotional, physical, social, and spiritual dimensions.
A grieving employee might cry (emotional), experience insomnia (physical), isolate themselves (social), or question their purpose (spiritual). What if that insomnia leaves them exhausted at work the next day? Or if irritability from grief spills over into interactions with colleagues?
Unprocessed Grief Affects Productivity
Grief that is unacknowledged or unprocessed doesn’t go away—it shows up in different forms. Emotional sensitivity, difficulty concentrating, fatigue, withdrawal, or even outbursts of anger are all potential expressions of internal pain.
Does this foster a friendly and productive workplace? Of course not.
This is why supporting grieving employees isn’t just an act of compassion—it’s a matter of organizational well-being.
Grief in the Office: A Shared Responsibility
Creating a compassionate workplace is not just the job of the manager or the owner. It involves every single person—from the front desk to the executive suite.
Everyone should have basic grief awareness to recognize when a colleague may be struggling, and to know how to respond with kindness and humanity. A grieving person doesn’t leave their sorrow at the door when they enter the building. Grief walks in with them, and it influences their energy, focus, and relationships.
Helping Employees Process (Not Suppress) Grief
The goal is not to “fix” the grieving employee or rush them back to normal. The goal is to help them feel supported and capable of navigating their loss. This requires a shift in mindset:
From performance pressure to emotional presence
From denial to validation
From isolation to inclusion
Grieving employees need tools and spaces to process their pain—not suppress it.
How to Be a Leader with Humanity
You don’t need a title to lead with compassion. From the person sweeping the floors to the CEO, we can all be leaders with humanity.
Here are simple ways to start:
Pay attention. Notice changes in someone’s behavior or performance.
Practice mindfulness. Be present in your interactions—listen with your heart.
Check in. Ask, “How are you really doing?” Let them know you care.
Provide resources. Offer tools, support, and flexibility to help your team cope with loss and grow through it.
A Message from My Heart
As a grief expert, this message is personal. I’ve seen the pain that silence causes in the workplace—and I’ve also seen the transformation that happens when empathy enters the room.
We have the power to change the culture of our workplaces—one conversation, one act of kindness, one compassionate leader at a time.
This is a message of hope, of leadership with humanity, and of productivity rooted in compassion.
If you’d like to bring this approach to your organization, I’d be honored to share with you the methodology I created:
The 11 Principles of Transformation®—a framework to support your employees through grief, loss, and life transitions.
Let’s start a conversation.
From my heart to yours,
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Jan 31, 2019 | Blog US
You may not choose to suffer,
but you can choose to transform
your suffering into a meaningful life.
Samet M. Kumar
In life we may experience many losses and sometimes it is not easy to confront
what we must live, but we must realize
that our life and the lives of others have significance, and that the meaning of life is the one we give to it.
Therefore, if you are experiencing a loss, being this the death of a loved one, loss of health, loss of a job, divorce – give yourself the value that you deserve and seize the opportunity to grow, in the midst
of this pain, and heal your wounds.
When you do that, you will feel satisfied and you will see life from another
point of view. Do not forget that within
us lies the strength to be able to grow in any transition and find meaning
in how we transform it. This reminds me a story of love and faith, very close to my heart. I want to share it with you.
I met Orali and Moises Flores at the end of 2007. They came to a seminar
I facilitated on grief and loss in Nicaragua, my country
of origin. They had recently
lost their beloved daughter, Albalicia, and were looking for some guidance on how to handle their
grief. That was the beginning of a meaningful relationship. Orali, after learning about the values
of belonging to a support
group as one faces a loss, felt in her heart the desire to organize a self-help
group for grieving
persons and asked me for assistance in how to develop
it. What began as a dream became a reality.
Other bereaved people joined forces and PUDE (Personas Unidas en el Dolor y la Esperanza, people united in grief and hope) was born! This is the ultimate example of the power of transformation. As I stated
before PUDE is very close to my heart because I was there at its origins
and have witnessed the love, purpose and meaning each member hosts
in their heart.
So, each time you may feel without hope as you face an unbearable loss, keep in mind:
- After the darkness comes light
- After the storm, calm
- After the night, the day
- Do not forget that at the end of the tunnel is light. That is the value of hope.
As you transform your loss, you transform your life!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Jan 16, 2019 | Blog US
Be the change you want to see in the world.
– Mahatma
Gandhi
As we start a new year, many people take the opportunity of planning
the year ahead. They set goals with great expectation and anticipation. Some of them focus
on the physical dimension, starting
a new diet or engaging
in a new plan of exercise. Some want to become better in their jobs or profession, including starting a new career.
Others may want to develop
their spiritual dimension. Setting goals is easy – what about
realizing these goals?
What is your goal for 2019? Are you sure you want to achieve it? Then, the first step is to work in and on yourself. Without changing ourselves, we cannot change our external world. In the seminar I conduct, Live your Life with Meaning and Purpose and Realize your Goals, I ask the participants to do an exercise on discovering what their values are and how to live accordingly.
The following are some of the values
I find essential to live the life you really want to live. These are:
Self-discipline-Perseverance-Faith-Purpose-Passion
Now, let me just briefly
explore each of these
values:
Self-discipline:
if we
want to better ourselves we need to focus on small actions performed every single day that will help us to create a habit.
It has been said it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Do it. Make the commitment with yourself and for 21 develop a habit that will take you closer
to your goal.
Perseverance: Everything takes effort and
planning, especially at times of setbacks, which is when we can learn the best lessons.
In coaching, we never use the word “failure” but feedback,
because one can learn from these experiences. Don’t dismay if you find obstacles, they can only help you grow and become
stronger. Keep focused
on your goal and if you need to change the course of action,
do so, but don’t quit.
Faith: I believe that having faith in you and in a Higher Power,
which for me is God, everything is possible.
Faith is the engine
that keeps us moving
to higher levels of conscience and existence. Sometime ago someone
gave me a card with the phrase
“Let go and let God” and I need to say to you – I cherish those words in my heart anytime
I may feel any doubt or fear.
Purpose: As
we set goals we
need to know the reason behind
that goal. What motivates you? What will this goal bring to your life? As you think in your purpose, use your imagination and visualize what you want to achieve and how do you feel achieving
it.
Passion: The last value you need to have is passion. You must absolutely need to feel in your heart
great excitement as you think
about your goal and have the certainty that you will do it.
If
you follow these values and are willing to work in and on yourself,
you will find yourself engaging in a process
of self-development and growth and with effort and time, you will become the ultimate you!
Remember, your Life has Meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Jan 8, 2019 | Blog US
There are times in your life when you face a crisis, and you need to decide either to quit or to persist.
How do you know what the best decision is?
When we face a situation that seems too difficult to endure, and you doubt you have the strength to withstand it or that it is not worth the effort, you may quit.
Many times, you don’t even make an effort to make it work; this is quitting. You may stop out of fear, staying in your comfort zone, or lack of self-confidence.
Other times, you do your best for a situation to work, and you put extra energy to see changes. If this doesn’t work, at least you have persisted in the effort and finally realized it is out of your control.
In your life, many things may be out of your control, and you may continue trying to make them work. You can fall into being stubborn. Maybe you do not like to let go.
There is a difference between letting go vs. quitting.
Do not quit before trying, and do not persist if it is not worth it. It’s your life. Make your decisions based on your values and be true to yourself.
Remember…your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Dec 28, 2018 | Blog US
These are the last days of 2018 and
it is the perfect opportunity to review the year and evaluate our lives. For
this process, I want to offer some resources that may be meaningful to you:
I know this year has been difficult for
many people. Maybe you have experienced a significant loss in your life and
feel a deep pain in your heart. Perhaps you have lost hope in some aspects of
your future and are glad the year is over. Still, you can do something before
the year ends to acknowledge and even honor that loss.
The loss I find most painful and
that touches our hearts very closely is the death of a loved one. If you lost a
loved one and have things you didn’t say…
Did you write that
letter?
What about lighting a
candle next to their picture?
Take the time before the year ends to
honor your loved one doing something he or she would have enjoyed and do it
with all the love in your heart.
What if you lost your
job? This is also a difficult loss because
it can extrapolate to other dimensions, such as our personal relationship or
even our health.
What feelings have you
experienced?
How are you expressing
them?
Have you taken the
time to evaluate all your resources and see if you even want to continue in
that line of work?
If you lost your health,
Have you taken the
time to talk to someone about how you feel?
Are you writing on
your journal?
Do you meditate or
engage in any spiritual ritual?
These are suggestions that could help you process those difficult times you may have experienced in 2018, yet, remember that even in the midst of pain, crisis, or loss you may find things in your life you feel grateful for, such as people who care for you, the skills or strengths you possess that make you special, or the blessing of having food on your plate.
Have you written the
list of things or people to be grateful for?
Lastly….let go of any mistake or
grievance you carry in your heart and…forgive. This means to forgive yourself
or forgive others. You will feel lighter and renewed.
As you take inventory of the year and
clean your soul, you can start 2010 with new expectations and new hopes. You
have your life which is the greatest gift!
I leave you with the inspirational words
someone said when looking at my book “Transform your Loss” that
embodies my message:
“Despite
darkness…you can still fly”
From the bottom of my heart, I wish you a blessed 2019.
Remember…your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
