by Ligia Houben | Sep 18, 2020 | Blog US
Grief is a personal experience. Because we are unique human beings, our grief is unique.
Although we may think we know what the other person is feeling, we do not. Grief is very subjective and we can only understand or empathize, but we cannot really know what they are experiencing internally. What happens when the bereaved is your loved one?
What can you say? What can you do to make them feel better?
When we deal with our own grief, we may know what helps us or what to do to process it. In the case of another person, we may tell them what has helped us and what may help them, but we cannot do it for them. They have to go through their own process and during that time is when your own grief becomes real. It hurts you to see them grieving. You may feel impotent as you are not able to take the pain away from your loved one; it becomes heavy because it adds extra pain to yours; You may become impatient when you lack the understanding of their grief; and, finally, you may humble yourself when you realize you do not have the power to make it disappear.
You can only be present with love, compassion, empathy, patience, and hope.
As you transform your loss, you transform your life.
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Sep 4, 2020 | Blog US
I remember your face as a shining star, reflecting peace, joy, and love.
I remember your gaze like a ray of light, filling any space, any corner
I remember your laughter, like a vibrant, joyous bell, full of life
I remember your curiosity, eager to gain more knowledge and learn new skills
I remember your love for life, enjoying every moment, every experience
I remember your love for others, giving affection, helping those who needed it
I remember your faith in God, being the rock of your existence, being the source of your serenity, being the hope towards eternal life.
Mom, I remember you, and it is those memories that now fill my spirit
Mom, I remember you, and it is those memories that now make my heart joyful
Mom, I remember you, and it is those memories that inspire me to continue living with joy, with love for others, and faith in God.
Your cumiche,
Ligia del Carmen
by Ligia Houben | Aug 15, 2020 | Blog US
What will my future be like, if my present has lost its joy?
What will my future be like, if my present is so empty?
What will my future be like, if my present has lost the light of each morning?
What will my future be like, if my present suddenly feels heavy?
What will my future be like, if my present is surrounded by darkness?
What will my future be like, if my present is full of sadness?
What will my future be like, if my present has lost its illusion?
What will my future be like, if my present feels loaded?
What will my future be like, if my present is only memories?
What will my future be like, if my present is full of unanswered questions?
Wait … I have the answer of what my future will be like
To that lack of joy, little by little I will open my heart
To that emptiness, little by little I will fill it with your love
To that lack of light, I will open the window of my soul so that the sun can come in
To that heaviness, I will loosen the moorings so that it rises to heaven
To that darkness, little by little I will allow the light to enter
Little by little, I will turn that sadness into an illusion towards a future
To that lack of breath, little by little I will turn it into hope
Those memories will be my inspiration to honor your memory
Those unanswered questions, I will hand them over to God.
*This poem was written on 08/07/2020 two months after my beloved mother had died.
My heart is open to love and hope…
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Aug 2, 2020 | Blog US
If the sun dawned so bright, how can my soul be in darkness?
If the sun dawned so bright, how do tears fill my eyes?
If the sun dawned so bright, how does my chest feel so heavy?
If the sun dawned so bright, how does my body feel without strength?
If the sun dawned so bright, how does my spirit feel beaten?
If the sun dawned so bright, how can I lack the desire to take a step?
If the sun dawned so brightly, how can it be so hard to have a smile on my face?
If the sun dawned so brightly, how is it possible that my mind is filled with thoughts of her?
Oh, now, I understand!
Because every morning, that was my mother’s way of waking up, with those words “what a radiant sun.”
Now, I understand how I feel.
Remembering that this was one of her favorite phrases, I will honor her memory allowing the sun to fill up my heart.
Then, every day when I wake up, I will say, with a smile on my face…
“What a radiant sun.”
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Jul 21, 2020 | Blog US
But, if I was feeling better …
Why does this empty feeling suddenly come to me?
But, if I was feeling better…
Why do I suddenly have this uncontrollable urge to cry?
But, if I was feeling better…
Why suddenly when looking at your photo I can’t hold the tears?
But, if I was feeling better…
Why when hearing that song that reminds you, I start crying?
But, if I was feeling better…
Why, when I see your clothes, what I want is just to smell it?
But, if I was feeling better…
Why, when realizing you died a month ago, my heart skipped a beat?
But, if I was feeling better…
Ligia M. Houben
