by Ligia Houben | Mar 20, 2017 | Blog US
A few days ago, as I was driving and listening to NPR, as I usually do, and I heard an amazing interview on the program Fresh Air with Terry Gross. The interview was with Jordan Peele, director of the film Get Out, which is a horror movie. As Terry asked him how he got inspired to write and direct this film, Peele shared his story. He said that as a child he was extremely scared of horror movies and felt that to cope with his fear he had to “shift his mind.” He chose to be empowered instead of being a victim. Peele was able to master his fear to the point of creating what he feared the most.
I found this story incredibly powerful and inspiring because many times we allow fear to control us, instead of shifting the perspective.
Now, what is a fear that you are experiencing in your life that you have not confronted yet?
Are you currently facing any of these types of fear?
- Fear of change
- Fear of being alone
- Fear of making a mistake
- Fear of starting over
- Fear of failure
- Fear of being hurt
- Fear of being judged
- Fear of getting sick
- Fear of old age
- Fear of death
Sometimes the fear of the unknown keeps us stuck in a suffocating place and we do not give ourselves the opportunity to expand our horizons. Any situation that gives you fear will continue to exercise that power over you if you allow it. It may be that the situation itself does not change; that it is your reality. However, you can change your perception and response to it.
Do you think that running away from your fear will make it go away?
Things do not disappear just because we do not think about them, or we do not expose ourselves to experiences where we feel scared. Do you want to live your life feeling like this? Do you want to live your life in terror, which is just expecting something bad to happen, or do you want to feel free?
If you could foresee the future and imagine yourself without fear, how would your life look life?
So let’s do this exercise. Close your eyes and think about something you feel extremely fearful. Now, imagine a year from and see yourself free from that fear and feeling immensely liberated. See yourself doing the things that you want to do without the fear. How is the quality of your life? Is the quality of your life better without fear? If that is the case, what is stopping you? Make the decision now, let go of your fear now, confront if so then you can overcome it and even more…you can transform it.
If you want to learn more techniques on how to transform your fears, I invite you to our upcoming workshop at The Center for Transforming Lives on Saturday April 22nd, 2017 in Miami, FL. We also have it available in Spanish on Saturday May 6th, 2017 in Miami, FL.
You will see how your life changes at that particular moment you decide to let go of the fear, and embrace freedom and happiness!
Remember, your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Feb 20, 2017 | Blog US
Happiness is not something you expect for tomorrow; it is something you decide for today.
-Ligia M. Houben
Are You Choosing to be Happy?
All human beings strive for happiness. When we face a life-changing event, time does not stop. Life continues, and we continue living as well. One of the greatest reasons for embracing life after loss is the need for creating a sense of joy and meaning in our lives. Many people think that happiness means not having problems or pain when in reality happiness comes from experiencing inner peace, having an accepting attitude towards the things we cannot change, and cherishing the good moments.
If you find yourself grieving a loss, know that you may experience an array of emotions. Be compassionate with yourself. Acknowledge each emotion and take time to grieve. Still, do not dwell on it. Take each day at a time, and give yourself permission to be happy again. If you are feeling down…remember it is temporary. But, most of all, remember you have all the resources to feel better. You are not a victim of destiny. You are the designer of your own happiness.
Be Happy! Be happy from the inside out, do not allow either situations or people determine your happiness. Make the choice!
Remember that our emotions are a direct response to what we think about. Have happy thoughts and you will evoke positive emotions. Today choose to be happy. Even in the midst of difficulties…..You can!
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I know that sometimes it is difficult to take the first step but….if you are not happy with your life, reflect on what is holding you back to take action. Don’t settle for “hanging in there”….make each day an opportunity to grow and be happier. Choose to be happy and your outlook will take a whole new perspective.
Now is the time to bring that joy to your life. Now is the time to start a process that can transform your loss and change your life. In order to do this, and based on my own life’s experiences, I offer two workshops to bring us closer to live with more joy and…to be happy!
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One is the core of my message, The 11 Principles of Transformation which was designed to take you from loss into growth, as you learn to apply the necessary tools to transform your life. The other workshop, Happiness is a Choice! is to remind you that….Happiness is a Choice! After my accident, I could have chosen to be bitter, angry, or depressed. Still, I chose to be happy because I have focused on being grateful to be alive, to enjoy doing the things I can do, and to keep hope in the future.
You cannot fake happiness.
This comes from within. Still, the beauty is that, with practice, it becomes your state of being. So, what can you start doing right now?
Start each day with a sense of gratitude, enthusiasm, and empowerment. You can make each week meaningful, loving, and productive. Focus on what you can do instead of complaining on what you “have” to do. Choose to be happy!
Remember…your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Feb 3, 2017 | Blog US
Most people as the New Year arrives plan to commit to a change in their lives; something that will make them feel happier, better, and more successful. Are you one of these people? If you are…have, you stayed committed to your goal?
As we start the second month of 2017, you may find yourself stuck, ignoring your dreams, or just making excuses for not making that desired change. Because, you are too busy; you are too tired; you don’t know how, or nobody seems to help you. The first person who needs to help you is…you! Only you can make it happen. Only you can make that change in your life and live with more meaning and purpose.
It has to do with commitment. And talking about commitment, I have a story to share with you. As many of you know, my mother is 97 years old, and we have a very close relationship. I admire her for her spirit; her desire to learn; her curiosity; her engagement with life. Still, she never stops surprising me. Last year, for Mother’s Day, I gave her a tablet as a present because she was eager to learn English in Duo-lingo (someone had shown her this app on their iPhone!). Because I believe in lifelong learning, I gave her the tablet and taught her how to use it. Well, it was the beginning of an amazing journey!
A couple of days ago, when I called her around 9:30 pm, I asked her caretaker what was she doing, to what she responded, as every night, she is studying English. I asked her “every night?” Yes, she said, every single night around 8:30 pm she asks for her tablet and studies for an hour. Even during those days that she may feel a little tired, she does her ritual. She doesn’t quit. Knowing this about my 97-year-old mother touched my heart and showed me how committed she is. She said she wanted to learn English and she is doing it. Nothing takes her focus away from her goal!
Is something taking you away from YOUR goal? If you have tried before and it hasn’t worked, it doesn’t matter, you can try again and this time, do it!
I want to invite you to evaluate how you’ve started the year because you may find yourself in the same route of last year. Do you want it to stay the same or do you want to experience a breakthrough?
I want to share with you three strategies that can help you stay committed and live the year you desire!
Strategy # 1- Decide what is the most important thing you WANT to achieve
In this strategy take a look at the word “want.” It is not about having but wanting! When I work with my clients, I ask them to pay attention to their vocabulary. The messages we give to ourselves make a huge difference in our accomplishments and personal growth.
Strategy # 2 Stay committed to making it a reality
When you make this commitment, make it with yourself. It is not about pleasing another person. It is about knowing how this decision will impact your life in a positive way.
Strategy #3 Believe in yourself
As we start working on ourselves or towards that meaningful goal, there may be times when we encounter challenges, or we doubt ourselves. Take a pause. Evaluate, revise if necessary, and continue. Don’t ever allow any challenge to distract you from the person you want to become or the dream you want to make a reality.
Give yourself the opportunity because…Your life has meaning!
Have a Beautiful Day!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Jan 29, 2017 | Blog US
This message is about you. It is a reminder of the special and unique person you are. You are an amazing human being with talents; with great qualities; with many gifts and yes, with some shortcomings as well. That is what makes you who you are! This week I want you to embrace the person you are with all your love and be thankful! Pay attention to all the things you have in your life with an open heart and open mind.
You will realize you have many things to be grateful. I don’t know if you are going through a very tough time in life and you find it difficult to be grateful this Thanksgiving. My heart goes out to you, and I validate all your feelings. Still, if you open your heart and turn your head to the side, you may be able to notice what you still have in your life. Take a closer look to that special person who is there for you when you are feeling blue; to the things you still have in life and because your heart grieves you are not noticing. Because many times it is easier to focus on what we do not have instead of being grateful for what we have and for the people we still have in our lives.
Just open your mind and open your heart and be grateful for what you have in your life; be grateful for whom you are; for all the things you can do; for your qualities, gifts, and talents; be grateful for your mind, as you can create powerful thoughts. Be grateful for your power of making decisions. Be grateful for having a voice; be grateful for having the skills to build the life you want and deserve.
Instead of staying in your comfort zone, where you feel safe even if you feel unhappy, let go of those ties and be grateful for the ability to make those changes. Be grateful for the capacity to start building the life you want.
Before you realize it, you will be feeling grateful for the wonderful life you have created, and appreciate it every day. I leave you with this meditation:
Find a quiet place where you can be in a comfortable position and close your eyes. With your eyes closed, begin scanning your body from head to toes and be thankful for every part of your body. Then, go into your inner self and be grateful for who you are, for all the parts inside of you that make you the unique person you are. Be grateful for yourself. Then, think about your loved (present or absent) and be grateful for each of them. Be grateful for your loved ones. Then, think about your friends and be grateful to be able to share with them. Be grateful for your friends. Be grateful for the things you have in your life, for where you live, the food you eat, the clothing you have, and the goals you have achieved in your life. Be thankful for what you have. Finally, be grateful for all your experiences, because they have made the person you have become. Be grateful for who you are. You are a special human being. Be grateful.
Remember…Your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
Speaker, Author, Life, Grief and Loss Coach
by Ligia Houben | Dec 11, 2016 | Blog US
The Last Reflection of 2016
In just a few weeks, 2016 will be gone and we will be ready to start 2017, which brings new promises; new opportunities; new beginnings. Therefore, before embarking on a new year, it is a good idea to look back and reflect what this year has meant to us. As Søren Kierkegaard’s stated, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
In order to move forward into 2017 it is important to reflect on what happened this year with an open mind and open heart.
As some of you know, I like to do these reflections on my birthday and during this time of the year, as it helps me to keep perspective of where I have been and where I am going.
Some of the questions I pondered about are:
- What has this year brought?
- What did I learn about myself?
- Did I live with purpose?
- Did I express my love to my loved ones?
- Was I grateful?
- Did I forgive when necessary?
- Did I stay hopeful?
- Was I true to myself?
- What did I miss?
- What could I have changed?
- What did I achieve?
- How do I want 2017 to be?
I hope you find some of these questions meaningful and take the time to also ask yourself where you have been and where you are going. It is about living mindfully. It is about living with meaning and purpose. It is about living connected to our true selves.
Because it is very important to be true to ourselves, at this moment I ask you to let go of any resistance, and pay attention to what you feel as you reflect on the year.
- Is there a painful emotion?
- What is causing it?
- Did you suffer a loss or faced a difficult challenge this year?
- Is it keeping you stuck in a dark place?
Now is the time to process this pain, so you can release it, knowing you are more than your pain.
You are an amazing human being with powerful inner resources. Use them to transform any challenge or loss so that you can embrace the New Year with hope in your heart.
Now I ask you to close your eyes and think about something beautiful that happened to you this year and cherish it. Bring that emotion to the present time as a reminder that you also experienced something positive this year. You have the freedom to choose your thoughts, which will create your emotions, which will define your actions in 2017!
I wish you a beautiful 2017!
Remember…Your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Sep 12, 2016 | Blog US
Own your thoughts. Own your emotions. Own your actions.
Owning your thoughts means you are in control of what goes on in your mind. What comes in; what stays; and what you discard. You stop being a victim of external factors. As Paulo Cohelo says in “The Alchemist”: At a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie. As you own your thoughts, you start responding instead of reacting, and you own the quality of your life.
You may remember that in my previous newsletter, I mentioned the movie The Sound of Music. I bring it again because as Julie Andrews, sang My Favorite Things, she used the technique of changing her thoughts.
These are some of the lyrics:
My Favorite Things
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad…
The last words are so powerful! Just by changing her thoughts she was able to change how she felt!
Now, what about you? What are your most common thoughts? How do they make you feel?
At this moment think about three of your favorite things and write them somewhere. We’ll go back to them later.
When I do seminars and ask the participants, how many of you entertain an inner conversation? Everybody raise their hands. We all give ourselves messages. What is fundamental to notice is what type of message we are giving to ourselves. When we discuss principle 9th which is Modify your Thoughts, I remind people we may not be able to change the event. However, we are always able to modify how we think.
I know there are times when we experience tough life transitions or changes. I am not implying you deny your emotions. It’s important and necessary to acknowledge them, validate them, and process them (remember my 4th Principle, Express your Feelings). The choice we make is either to stay in a dark place or to allow a ray of light illuminate our personal space.
I know there are times when we experience tough life transitions or changes. I am not implying you deny your emotions. It’s important and necessary to acknowledge them, validate them, and process them (remember my 4th Principle, Express your Feelings). The choice we make is either to stay in a dark place or to allow a ray of light illuminate our personal space.
You start by paying attention what you say to yourself. You may be in a situation where all you do is to think about it. What makes you stay in that place? What is the ulterior motive? We always respond the best way we can. Behind any action, there is a positive intention. What is your intention behind your thoughts? If these are not helping you…you can always change them.
How can you start changing how you feel?
First, making the decision, you WANT to feel different.
The moment you make the commitment to yourself you want to change how you feel, it will happen. Always keep in mind there are events out of our control. What you are changing, in this case, is what you think about it.
Second, observe your thoughts for a week
You may not be aware of the messages you are giving to yourself on a regular basis. Keep track of them in a journal without judging them. In order to change something, we need to be aware of it.
Third, decide which thoughts are limiting and not helping you.
Evaluate your most prominent thoughts and see where from they originate. You may be stuck in a painful situation. It may be necessary to process it and release the emotion. Additionally, it may be you are perpetuating how you feel with your recurrent thoughts.
Fourth, replace them with thoughts about your favorite things.
This is the time to use your three favorite things. Think about them and notice how you feel. What emotions do they bring to you? Notice how you feel when thinking about them. Do you see the difference? It is just a matter of shifting the perspective. And THIS you can do!
Fifth, start giving yourself empowering and positive messages.
Now that you experienced the ability to change your emotions, you can start fueling your mind with thoughts that can help you be happier; more productive; more successful; more peaceful. This is just a matter of practice until it becomes a habit. First, you do it consciously until it becomes increasingly automatic. Believe me. It happened to me. I started just where you are. I learned to shift my thoughts until this became second nature. I share it with you because I also want you to be happier. My way of thinking has helped me overcome great difficulties and painful situations. You can also do it. Believe in yourself.
