by Ligia Houben | Dec 31, 2023 | Blog US
As we stand at the cusp of a new year, let the wisdom of Søren Kierkegaard inspire us, “Life can only be understood backward; but it must be lived forward,” and reflect together on what this year meant to us. His profound words remind us that understanding our past is crucial to meaningfully living our future. The practice of introspection at the end of the year is a powerful tool for our personal growth and self-awareness.
Reflecting on the Year
Reflection is more than merely glancing at the past; it explores experiences and lessons. Like a mosaic of varied experiences, this year has brought us joys, challenges, and invaluable lessons. As you ponder what the year has brought, what you’ve learned about yourself, and how you’ve lived with purpose, you’re not just recounting events but diving into your experiences’ essence.
Living with Purpose: Did your actions align with your values and goals? Purposeful living often brings a sense of fulfillment and joy.
Expressing Love and Gratitude: Reflect on your relationships and remember that love and gratitude are powerful, enriching our connections and well-being.
Forgiveness and Hope: These are pillars of emotional resilience. Reflecting on these can be transformative, especially when overcoming challenges.
Staying True to Oneself: This is about being honest with ourselves. It is about authenticity. Were there moments when you could not connect with your inner self? What led to them?
Acknowledging Pain and Loss
In life, we have happy moments and sad moments. Acknowledging these feelings and understanding their roots and impacts in our lives is crucial. Processing pain is not just about coping; it’s about growth and healing.
It’s about transformation.
Transforming Challenges: How have your challenges shaped you? What strengths have you discovered in yourself as a result?
Embracing Hope: It is essential to keep hope in our hearts as it propels us forward, especially during uncertainty or distress.
Creating Your 2024
As you visualize 2024, it’s about choice – the choice to be happier, think positively, act with purpose, and live in alignment with your true self. Your approach to the new year is not just about setting goals; it’s about nurturing a mindset that fosters hope, peace, growth, happiness, and fulfillment.
I wish you a blessed New Year!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Nov 27, 2023 | Blog US
As we have recently started our Holiday Season with Thanksgiving, it’s a time to gather with loved ones, celebrate, and enjoy. However, for those who have recently lost a loved one, this season may feel empty and challenging. It’s important you recognize and validate your feelings and connect with family and friends.
Coping with Loss During the Holidays
You cannot change what has happened, but you can still find new meaning during these special days. Even if you don’t feel like celebrating, you can remember your loved one in meaningful ways, such as creating rituals.
Creating Rituals
– Light a Candle: Light a candle in remembrance as you gather with your family.
– Share Memories: Sharing special memories can be a powerful way to honor your loved one.
– Memory Chest: Place a chest in the living room where family and friends can share anecdotes.
Starting New Traditions
In many families, a particular person leads the celebrations. Their absence can be deeply felt, but this also opens up the possibility of starting new traditions.
– Elissa’s Story: Elissa, a Lebanese American, celebrates Thanksgiving with a stuffed lamb instead of turkey to honor her Lebanese father.
– Hortensia’s Tradition: Hortensia, from Venezuela, continues her mother’s legacy by cooking pernil de cerdo al horno (oven-roasted pork) every Christmas.
Preparing for the First Celebration Without Your Loved One
The first holiday season without your loved one can be particularly challenging. Preparation and finding meaning in these days are essential.
Dealing with Grief
– Some people might turn to alcohol or drugs, but this is not a healthy coping mechanism.
– Prescription drugs might help some manage grief-related anxiety or depression.
– Spirituality and participating in rituals can offer solace.
– Counseling or griefwork can provide guidance and support.
Validating Different Kinds of Losses
Besides the loss of a loved one, other transitions can affect our holiday joy:
– Job loss, financial difficulties.
– Mental and physical illnesses.
– Loneliness, depression, anxiety.
– Relocating to a new place.
– Family disharmony.
– Relationship breakdowns.
– Loss of a pet.
Communicating Needs and Transforming the Season
Communicate your needs with others, take care of yourself, and consider using this time to grow closer to loved ones or serve others.
– Spend time with children or elderly who might need attention and care.
– Remember, giving from the heart means more than material gifts.
Final Thoughts
Though the holidays can be difficult, they also offer opportunities to share time with special people in your life. By transforming your loss, you can change your life.
by Ligia Houben | Nov 26, 2023 | Blog US
Introduction
Grief is a journey with unique paths, and it was uniquely challenging for Leonidas Reimer, a young adolescent. Losing Kennedy, his girlfriend, to suicide, Leonidas found himself engulfed in a sea of emotions. However, in the depths of his sorrow, he discovered solace and expression through music. His story is one of healing and transformation, a narrative that resonates with the power of purpose and passion. Although Leonidas’ world turned upside down when he lost Kennedy, he was determined to channel his pain into something meaningful.
The Healing Power of Music
Music became Leonidas’ refuge, and he started working on his album, “Songs for a Long Train Ride Home.” He poured his heart into melodies and lyrics, each note a step towards healing. His songs, raw and honest, are a tribute to Kennedy; they are a way to keep her memory alive.
Because music is his passion, I wanted him to meet Marlow Rosado, an amazing human being and accomplished musician. He is the winner of two Grammys and producer of my upcoming audiobook in Spanish, “Déjame vivir mi duelo…y sanar de adentro hacia afuera” (Allow Me to Grieve…and Heal From the Inside Out). Leonidas visited Marlow’s studio when we were recording, and he had the opportunity to learn from Marlow’s experience and share his story.
In the sanctuary of Marlow’s studio, surrounded by instruments and echoes of creativity, Leonidas shared his album “Songs for a Long Train Ride Home.” Marlow listened to Leonidas’ journey, and with an open heart, he offered more than just musical advice; he provided sensitive insights on healing through purpose. Leonidas’ encounter with Marlow was profound as it confirmed his mission: to use his music as a beacon for others traversing the dark waters of grief. It touches my heart to see how Leonidas has embraced the transformative power of music, demonstrating how it can be a vessel for grief, carrying it from the shadows into the light.
Leonidas’ story is a poignant reminder that a melody of hope can emerge in the depths of despair. Through his music, he honors Kennedy’s memory and offers a guiding light to those who have experienced similar loss. Furthermore, his journey continues after his music. He is also working on a film, “The Kennedy Project,” to introduce a proactive stance to suicide prevention.
Reflection
Grief is a profound and complex emotional response to loss, particularly when we lose someone significant in our lives. Although the process varies significantly from person to person, being witnessed in grief is crucial. What helps the most is to express our emotions in a safe and understanding environment, validating our feelings and experiences. Healing from grief is a gradual process of re-engaging with life, finding new meanings, and living life with a renewed sense of purpose.
As I reflect on Leonidas’ journey, I am confident he will continue showing the resilience and compassion of his human spirit, and his ability to find solace and meaning in creativity.
by Ligia Houben | Oct 30, 2023 | Blog US
Understanding that a divorce is a unique journey, here are some suggestions that can help you move forward in this life transition:
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Instead of suppressing your emotions, acknowledge that divorce is a loss and it’s natural to experience grief. Find healthy ways, such as journaling, talking to a close friend, joining a support group, or seeking professional help, to express your feelings and be present with your emotions without judgment.
2. Establish Boundaries and Practice Self-Care
Paying attention to your needs includes setting boundaries if this causes you stress. Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. This includes eating healthy food, exercising, and practicing relaxation techniques such as conscious breathing, mindfulness, or meditation.
3. Rebuild Your Identity
Because a divorce brings changes, you want to open your heart and mind to take it as an opportunity to discover who you are now. Explore the roles you are letting go of and embrace new ones that promote self-growth and empowerment. This includes setting personal and professional goals, taking care of your finances, and paying attention to the messages you give to yourself.
4. Create a Strong Support System
This can consist of family and friends who are there to support you without judging. The idea is that they can actively listen when you need to share how you feel and encourage you when you think you need to lean on them. Belonging to a divorce support group can also help you navigate this transition.
5. Believe in Yourself and Embrace Change
This is very close to feeling empowered is believing in your capacity to embrace change and become a better version of yourself. Remember, you can do this!
Remember, your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Apr 29, 2021 | Blog US
Facing situations when we feel insecure or restless can give us a sense of uncertainty. As human beings, one thing we need to feel is security; it’s having a sense of control and knowledge about what’s happening to us, and the future we have in front of us.
What happens when we are lacking this security and feel lost, without a direction?
This situation can give us a sense of anxiety, restlessness, frustration, fear, and helplessness. Instead of helping us, these emotions make us feel worse in the face of uncertainty, as we doubt can set in and we can make the wrong decisions.
There are different situations in which we may experience uncertainty. Among them we find the reality of Covid-19, and how this has touched our lives, personally and collectively.
We have experienced great uncertainty related to our health, work, financial situation, lifestyle, vaccine use, and a promising future. All these elements have caused that many of us live in a constant sense of unease and fear. Besides the reality that has touched us living with the pandemic, we face a number of situations on a personal level that may feel that we do not have the answer on how to proceed. I want to remind you that there is a difference between caution and fear.
If we allow fear to overtake us, we can become paralyzed, unable to make decisions and take action.
In times of uncertainty, the best we can do is to have an action plan and strategies to implement.
I share these strategies that can help you deal with uncertain times:
First of all, recognize that it is impossible to have complete control over everything that happens to us and this requires adaptation on our part. Write down some situations in the past where you had no control. Notice which of your strengths helped you adapt and cope. It is extremely important to revalue our internal resources for use in times of doubt and uncertainty.
Situations that we have no control over can usually make us feel unable to face life and we let ourselves be handled by external factors. Because of the pace of life so hastily that we carry, sometimes we stay as automatons simply reacting without realizing that we give control of our emotions to external factors and others. At the moment is when we want to reassess how we act and see if our own handling of the situation contributes to that sense of uncertainty.
Focus on today and integrate methods such as meditation and deep breathing to handle any concerns about uncertainty. Keep in mind that exercise also helps us greatly to release those emotions that make us feel more restless and insecure.
Finally, it helps us greatly to be aware of the things on which if we have certainty and control. Focus on them and make decisions concerning them with safety and inner strength.
Remember, your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
