Thank You Mom: A Grieving Poem

This poem came to my heart a week after my mother died.

 

Is the world moving faster, or is it me who is moving slower?

Suddenly spaces are bigger.  Suddenly the steps I take, have lost their rush; they are just tiptoeing on the floor.

Like if I tiptoed, I would not feel the floor beneath. I would not feel the coldness of this reality, that is like a layer, like a blanket; like a blanket of coldness over me.  That coldness is, the coldness of death.

The sense of everything having stopped. How come people are still walking if everything stopped?

What do I care to eat?

What do I care to drink?

The source of my greatest joy, the source of my greatest purpose, my purpose, my little doll as I called her, is not here to hug me; to extend her tiny arms and embrace me against her chest; to make her forehead move towards mine; to touch our noses in that unique and intimate movement of love, and total surrender into what love means.

The lack of warmth of that body that for so many nights I cuddled.

The face I caressed with adoration.

True love. The eyes I kissed day in and day out.

Her body, so tiny, and at the same time, so strong.

Strong will, warm heart. Unlimited love. No limit. A capacity to love beyond words.

Joyful life. Appreciation for everything; thank you for everything; how beautiful for everything, what a joy! For everything

This was the beauty of this woman who lived 100 years, and made a difference in each one of us

This woman I used to call mom; this woman I used to call my beloved mother.

This woman I used to call, mi muñequita

The emptiness, the void, goes beyond words…nothing can fill up the void, nothing, and no one. That was her place. It belonged only to her.

Our love went deeper than deep; stronger than strong; closer than close; an understanding just looking at each other; an understanding just to see each other…and that was it.

Thank you, mom, for showing me what love means.

Thank you, mom, for showing me what resilience means.

Thank you for showing me what faith is

Thank you mom, for shining…for being now, my private angel in heaven.

 

With all my love,

Your daughter, Ligia del Carmen