When we are consumed by grief, we may feel we are the only persons hurting, and we may not notice the pain of others. Furthermore, we may be so blinded by our grief that we may say or do things that are hurting people we love.
If this has happened to you…do not feel ashamed, it happens to all of us. What matters the most is to be aware we are doing it and stop it at once.
Hurting others do not alleviate our own pain. It may even make it greater.
If you have hurt someone due to the pain you are experiencing, recognize it and ask for forgiveness. Yes, be humble and recognize your mistake, because it is a mistake to hurt the people we love. The moment we are able to enter the worldview of others we will be able to develop compassion and understanding. We will be able to leave our own pain aside and embrace the pain of our beloved one.
If we are proud and stay in a place of not admitting we were wrong, we will find ourselves in a cycle of hurt, pain, resentment, and more pain. At the end, you are not only hurting the other person; you are hurting yourself.
Some people choose not to say “I am sorry” out of their pride. They wait for the other person to say it first.
What about if the other person is in the same position?
Couples break-up, parents and children have dysfunctional relationships, and bosses and employees destroy relationships because of their pride.
Therefore, next time you feel you are the only person hurting, take a closer look at the person next to you. It has been said that if we leave our pain aside and understand the pain of others…our pain becomes lighter.
As you transform your loss, you transform your life!
Ligia M. Houben, MA, FT, CGC, CPC
