In any love relationship, there is the potential for an argument to arise. No one is exempt from this happening as we are complex beings, and the relationships themselves can also become complexed.

In this article, I want to share what I think can help you understand how discussions arise and what to do to reconcile from the heart.

Let’s start by understanding that we are human beings, and sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we unwittingly hurt, say an inappropriate phrase, or act without thinking about the consequence of our actions. It may be hard for you to forgive yourself, and you stay in a state of guilt. Just as I tell my clients when they experience guilt, I invite you to ask yourself:

What was my intention? 

Did I want to hurt the other person? 

Remember, before any action, there is an intention. If it was not your desire to hurt the other person, understand your human condition and that, like everybody else, you can make a mistake. Ask for forgiveness from the heart, forgive yourself, and let go. Focus on continuing to build the relationship with your loved one, learning about what happened to continue to grow and evolve.

If, on the other hand, you find yourself in a situation where you are hurt and find it difficult to forgive the other person, I invite you to reflect.

First, evaluate what has happened and whether it warrants that you are in that state.

How serious is the situation?  What provoked it?   If you feel that your loved one hurt you, I invite you to make this reflection, which we often use when doing forgiveness work:

Think about what has hurt you about the other person and ask yourself if you have ever acted similarly.  Also, consider whether your intention at the time was to hurt the other person, considering that you, too, are human and make mistakes.

When facing a situation that has bothered or hurt you, you have two options: talk about it and decide to come to a reconciliation, or stay in that space of pain and discomfort, which does not help heal and release. I hope you opt for the first one.

Remember, your life has meaning.

Ligia M. Houben