by Ligia Houben | Mar 16, 2020 | Blog US
We are living times that may bring us a sense of disbelief, helplessness, and shock.
Because of an unprecedented situation due to the Covid-19 pandemic, our lives have been drastically disrupted, changing the concept of the world as we know it. To all those people who have suffered due to the Coronavirus I accompany them with all my heart.
There has been a loss of our assumptive world. And what is this assumptive world? It is the understanding we have of our reality. It is based on our beliefs, surroundings, what keeps us grounded and safe. When this world shatters for any reason, it can bring us a sense of disbelief, a sense of insecurity, a sense of loss.
How can we respond to this threat that is compromising our sense of wellbeing at all levels? First, understanding that we cannot control everything and accepting our new reality. It is a new world right now, and it’s necessary to pay attention to the things we can still manage, and these are our behavior, our communication with others, and our mindset.
Because of these changes, we may experience disturbing emotions such as anxiety, fear, and hopelessness. It is understandable we feel this way as we may endure situations such as social isolation, lack of control, and insecurity for the future. Furthermore, because this pandemic can be fatal, it may take us to an existential crisis regarding our mortality. Instead of being scare of such reality, we can transform it into an opportunity to re-evaluate our lives and pay attention to what really matters.
To help you navigate this difficult time, I want to share with you the following tips:
Stay informed without obsessing about this situation. Pay attention to the sources of information; this includes social media.
Stop worrying about “what if.” The future is uncertain. There is a difference between planning and worrying. Prepare yourself in a responsible manner and live today.
Be realistic and plan what you can do during these times of uncertainty. Recognize what you have control over and what you do not.
Take this time to reflect on what is essential in your life. Do some journaling about it; this may allow you to review your values and live accordingly.
Be mindful of your behavior and act responsibly. Refrain from alarming conversations.
Finally, pay attention to your thoughts. If these are disturbing, change them. Always remember TEA:
Thoughts, Emotions, Actions.
Based on how you think, you feel, and, based on how you feel, you act.
Remember, your life has meaning.
Ligia M. Houben, MA, FT, CGC, CPC
by Ligia Houben | Dec 31, 2019 | Blog US
December is a month filled with festivities. People spend time in celebrations, taking advantage of the sales of the season, and sharing time with family and friends. We are exposed to many stimuli and may not take the time to reflect, to be with ourselves, to take a break. Still, it is now, when the year is almost over and we are about to start a new one, that we can take a pause and reflect on what this year meant to us.
Many of us may be in a cheerful mood for a year filled with positive changes, good outcomes, and fulfilling life experiences. On the other hand, we may wish the year to be over because things did not work out the way we expected. We encountered disappointments, or we faced a major loss in our lives.
In which of these two groups of people are you? Are you celebrating with joy or are you grieving in your heart, pretending to be happy? If you belong to the first group, I am happy for you! Keep counting your blessings and realizing your purpose in life.
If you belong to the second group….my heart is with you. Still, I want to remind you of the special person you are and to use the amazing resources you have to deal with challenges and difficulties. It is a matter of choice. It is a matter of perspective.
You may not have been able to control some of the things
that happened to you this year, still, you can choose to let go of the painful
baggage you are carrying in your heart, and welcome 2020 with hope and
strength.
Even if you do not see it now, you also have blessings in
your life. Count them! Focus on what you have and do not dwell on what you do
not have.
Keep an open mind and open heart for the year to come. We
may not be able to change the past, however, we can plan our future and use our
strengths to make it happen.
With the purpose of helping you evaluate your year and plan
for the next one, I prepared the following questions:
• How was your life experience in 2019?
• Which was your happiest moment?
• Which was your most difficult time?
• How did you handle it?
• What regrets do you have?
• What did you learn?
• How can you apply these lessons as you plan 2020?
• What is the greatest goal you want to achieve in 2020?
• How can you make it happen?
As you answer all these questions, open your mind and your
heart. Only in being real with ourselves we can create a life based on our
principles and values.
Our life is a gift…let’s unwrap it with care.
I wish you a meaningful 2020!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Aug 29, 2019 | Blog US
As I was doing my reflection this morning, I was pondering what life is all about and thought about the famous words of Socrates, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”
Are we taking the time to examine our life at a deep level?
It dawned on me that many of us live on autopilot. We wake up each morning after the alarm goes off, we prepare our coffee, get dressed, and we head to work. Many of us just go through the motions.
Once we get to work, we take care of our tasks throughout the day in an automatic fashion instead of thinking, instead of planning, instead of having a goal with meaning, instead of doing things with a purpose. Making a phone call with a purpose. Writing a report with a purpose. Talking to our loved one with a purpose.
Moreover, we may even want to start being more mindful when we are having lunch or dinner. Because… sometimes we just eat and before we realize it, the food is gone and we wonder: Where did it go?
The same thing happens with life. We may realize one day we just ate all the food off our plate and… we may ask ourselves:
• Where did it all go?
• What did I do with it?
• How did I spend my time?
• Did I spend it complaining or enjoying it?
• Did I spend my time loving or fighting?
• Did I spend my time helping or hurting others?
• Did I spend my time getting to know myself or ignoring my needs?
• Did I spend my time being grateful or regretting?
• What have I done with my time?
It is when we come to such realizations that we gain more awareness of what life is all about. This realization may happen during a pivotal moment in our lives, or when confronting a huge loss. It is at that moment that we make choices. We can either dwell on the pain or transform it into an opportunity to grow, to find more meaning, to become a better version of ourselves.
People have asked me, when they know the title of my book “Transform Your Loss”, Ligia, how can we transform a loss? I respond that it all starts with our response to the loss. We cannot avoid experiencing grief, it is the natural response to loss. Still, many times it is that pain, that loss, what will help us open our eyes to other possibilities; open our eyes to what is important; open our eyes to ask ourselves “What am I doing? Where am I now and where do I want to go?” Because tomorrow will be the result of the choices we make today.
It is not possible to live wandering around expecting tomorrow to be bright. It is not possible just to allow things to come into our lives – we need to make them happen. This reminds me of the words of my father, Julio C. Martínez: Success is hard work disguised as good luck.
Sometimes things happen out of luck, but most of the things we get in life at all levels – physical, social, emotional, financial, or spiritual – depend on the actions we take.
They depend on our choices.
Remember….your life has meaning!
Have a beautiful day!
Ligia M. Houben
by Ligia Houben | Jul 28, 2019 | Blog US
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You can motivate yourself by giving you the right message.
Nobody can do it for you. People may want to motivate you to have a change in your life, but you must have the desire to have that change.
There are times in our lives when we may lack the desire, especially when facing a loss and feeling down.
Still, if you consider it’s about time to feel differently consider this:
There is a difference between wishing and doing.
If you really want to change your life, you need to take action.
What is the first step you are taking today?
Remember…your life has meaning!
Ligia M. Houben
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by Ligia Houben | Jul 24, 2019 | Blog US
Some time ago, I heard an interview of Reid Tracy with Suze Orman on Your Relationship with Your Money Begins with Your Relationship with Yourself. I felt compelled to write this message today because I believe this is related to other areas of our lives. If you are like many people who wonder how to be wealthy or make more money, you may want to take a closer look to your inner self and reflect on what is stopping you from achieving what you want to achieve.
How are you becoming an obstacle into your own financial growth?
You know you can do something about it, but you do not do it. The same applies to all areas of our lives. Many people go to seminars, read books, or listen to TEDx talks. They receive powerful information. They gather it and then, they do not do anything about it. Why is this? As Suze said, the attitude we have towards money says something about us. I think this applies to all areas of our lives, and that is where we need to pay attention to. I firmly believe one of the obstacles or challenges we may find in our lives is the way we deal with losses. We either ignore them, or we dwell on them. Then, when we want to achieve goals, let’s say financial goals, or health-oriented goals, we may find ourselves lacking either motivation or discipline. Why is this? We may find ourselves stuck in a situation from the past which still haunts us today.
I can give you an example. As you may know, I am a Life Coach, and sometimes people come to see me with the desire of achieving a specific goal. This could be to better their relationships (or start a new one); change careers, or even to start writing a book. They want to do these things, but…they feel stuck! It is only when we start exploring what has happened in their lives, that we find out they have gone through a loss which was never processed. They had stayed in that dark place (not knowing at a conscious level they were “emotionally” frozen in time. Once they confront the loss, process it, and release the pain, that they can free themselves from this heavy burden. It is when they regain control of their lives. I have seen amazing breakthroughs in all dimensions: physical, emotional, spiritual, social, and financial!
This is one of the reasons why this interview resonated so much with me. Our relationship with money says a lot about us. So, if you start facing the situation you are facing now and take action, or if you let go of fear (many times, this emotion prevents us from developing financially), and start embracing qualities such as self-responsibility and self-discipline, the quality of your life will change 180 degrees. Not only the relationship you have with money but the relationship you have with others and…with yourself.
Have a beautiful day,
Ligia M. Houben
